GOT’CHA DAY!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Wow, this trip came about fast! I left last weekend and I arrived safely in Kyiv after a 14 hour flight. I always feel like I’m at the center of an espionage novel on these trips:

Upon arrival in Kyiv, I was picked up by a driver who tells me “No speak” and hands me a cell phone. I hear my agency contact reciting these instructions; “Take the 7 pm overnight train to Dontetsk. You will be met and taken to an apartment downtown where you will receive more instructions.”  Will do.  I’m hustled through a crowded train station that looks like a miniature version of Grand Central. I exchange some dollars for Grivna (Ukrainian currency), pay the driver for my ticket and barely make the train. I collapse into the seat, happy I can now sleep for 12 hours!

Upon arrival in Donetsk the next morning, I’m greeted by a familiar and friendly face. It’s our usual driver in Donetsk! I’m taken to an apartment where I meet another friend, Lana, the agency contact who helped us during our last trip.

Lana repeats information I already know; “S”’s mother has been visiting the orphanage and her latest visit was yesterday. She was let in once to see S that I know of but was refused the other time(s). I ask, “Is she visiting to say goodbye or to cause trouble?”  “To cause trouble” is the answer. The plan therefore, is to get our paperwork done ASAP this morning, then grab little “S” and be gone before more agony befalls all parties involved. The outcome I pray for is that someday, mom will change and little “S” can meet her as a new person. Maybe this event will be the catalyst. Scott and I have decided when he’s 18 he’ll be offered the option of meeting her, but unfortunately no sooner.

We’re off and running by 8 AM. Today I learned the major paperwork really begins AFTER the court hearing. First we drove to the town “S”’s orphanage is in to receive the court decree awarding S to us. At this point a new birth certificate is issued, naming Scott and I as parents and changing S’s name. There was a glitch in this part of the paperwork but it only caused an iota of panic since Lana deftly took care of the problem before it delayed us much. Collecting all the paperwork, S’ orphanage file, getting everything notarized, copied, etc. took about 6 hours. Some of these items are actually sewn together with thread over which a stamp and an official seal is placed, proving that the document is an original.  We then went and picked up the Inspector who handled our case from the local Adoption Commission and FINALLY we were ready to go to the orphanage!!   

I was excited but also nervous as we drove up. After our delays, I really didn’t believe this day was finally here. Also, I admit I was a bit paranoid mom may be lurking around.  I clammered through the front doors, dragging my four large gift bags of presents for the orphanage staff as well as a large bag of goodies for the kids in S’ wing. I had to bring 3 suitcases this time to carry everything! (I’m sure my driver thinks I’m a high-maintenance American Princess!). As I entered the administration office I was greeted by smiling, familiar faces and my stress melted away. The warmth exuded from everybody at this orphanage was remarkable. You could feel it as you entered the room. I was asked to sign more official documents in the presence of the orphanage Assistant Directors, then it was time! The little man came walking through the door of the Asst. Director’s office wearing a big smile and I gave him a HUGE hug! I told him how much we missed him, and how much we love him. I had Lana explain to him why we never came back to say goodbye after our last trip (since our court hearing went so long, we could not say goodbye to him and almost missed our train). I made sure he understood it would NEVER happen again! Mama & Papa would NEVER leave his side! Ever.

I could tell he was rarin’ to get out of dodge! Of course all the orphanage personnel wanted to give him a big hug and wish him well. They asked that we please send pictures.

We were then led into a room where I was to change his clothes. They don’t want the kids to leave with any clothes (even underwear and socks - as these are much needed items here). S quickly put on the clothes I brought for him and looked like a real gentleman in his khakis and sweater with rugby shirt underneath! I forgot the shoes though, and apologized profusely. They let me take his shoes so I promised I will send them some shoes. (OK all of you reading this…”Welcome S” brunch at our place in a few weeks and cost of entry is a pair of kids shoes!)  After changing the clothes, I said “Do you want to say goodbye to your friends?” S looked at me like “Mom, do I HAVE TO?” I could tell he just wanted to LEAVE at this point, but we made the pilgrimage over to his building. There we found the usual cast of characters, all of which I would easily adopt if Scott would let me……..even Pasha who will one day grow up to be a used car salesman! The kids went crazy as usual, digging into my bag trying to see what I brought for them. I know S was frustrated. He thought the Sidewalk Chalk and Twister game I brought for the kids belonged to him. He  knew he would finally have something of his own in life and that life began NOW. He tried to grab back the pieces of Sidewalk Chalk the kids were taking. I assured him we have all of this and more at home and it ALL will belong to him. He was OK after that but you can tell by the pictures, he just wanted to leave.  

Bunny ears in the $1 bin at Target were a big hit!



Sitting on S's bed.



Pasha in front (of course!!)



S's teacher, Inna, who taught him French & English.

Lastly, I asked, “Does he have anything to take?”

“Nyet.” Answered one of the caretakers. Just then one of his friends came running up with this stuffed teddy bear adorned with zebra stripes. When you squeeze the hand it says something in Russian. S clutched it tightly to his chest.

“He can take that,” lovingly said one of the caregivers. I could tell it meant a lot to him, to have at least something secure to hold on to as he boldly ventured out into the big world. After a few more pictures, we left. As we walked away from the building one last time, I looked up and saw all his bunkmates waving out his old window. This was the saddest part for me. What would happen to these adorable kids?   

See upper left window.

We got in the car and it rumbled out of the forever empty parking lot, through the large, green iron gates of the orphanage. Some of the older boys were (control) burning weeds along the sides of the road that runs through an orchard next to the orphanage, before it hits the main highway. They waved to us. S did not wave back but just kept his eyes on the road ahead. I think he knew a wonderful adventure awaits him!

For the next 30 minutes, we drove through fallow wheat fields that go on as far as the eye can see until they touch the drab, gray horizon. I sat close to S in the back seat with my arm around him, somewhat scared since there are no seat belts in these small cars here. Plus these drivers LOVE passing large trucks on these two lane roads. I transliterated portions of a “Highlights” magazine and S enjoyed looking at it and solved a few of its puzzles.

Hey Sasha, recognize your jacket??

 Finally we reached the outskirts of Donetsk with it’s stores, people and noisy trollys. S seemed happy and alive! He would point out billboards to me and smile. He also commented on the number of pigeons here. I told everyone in the car we’ll go feed them McDonalds later. Their retort: “They’ll never eat that stuff! Feed them some good Ukrainian bread instead.” Ha! They’re right!

Our next stop was a small photo studio where S sat obediently for his passport photo. Then it was off to the passport office where we did more paperwork. I let S play with the I-pod and he remembered the password from our last visit. Our last stop was the grocery store so I could stock up while we wait for the passport (we expect to wait one week). I bought a bottle of champagne to celebrate since Lana agreed to have a glass with me. I’m so happy I have someone to celebrate with! Too bad Scott could not attend this trip – it’s the big payoff for all the hard work he’s done on this adoption.

Back at the flat, it was already 7:30. We were beat so we decided to go out for dinner. Lana knew of a Russian-Ukrainian restaurant close by so we briskly walked over and sat down.  Here is where I began to learn of S’s eating habits. He prefers to drink Russian black tea (called “chai”) with dinner (and breakfast). We ordered some for him, but it was served with these curious, white cubes. What could they be? S had never seen them before! I picked one up and motioned for him to lick it. Once he did, it was all over. Plop, plop, plop. Three sugar cubes immediately proceeded to go into his tea! This kid loves sugar maybe more than Gavin (is that possible?!).  I need to begin calcium-loading this child so we may need to wean him off the tea a bit once we get home! At this point in his development, Vitamin D milk will benefit him more than tea, but that’s what’s common here.

S wolfed down his food as usual while Lana and I celebrated with a glass of red wine from the Crimean region of Ukraine. It was good! We both agreed we’d pass out if we even had a sip of the champagne so I’ll save it for later!!

After dinner we  let S order his own celebratory dessert – he wanted a “torte” (cake, chocolate of course. I KNEW there was a genetic link between me and this kid!). We all clicked our glasses as Lana toasted me and I toasted her back. Then S toasted to something - we really didn’t understand what – but it didn’t matter. He was finally with his family!

Got’cha Day ended well! We intend to celebrate this day (the day we got him) for the next few years, hopefully longer if S wants to!



Our precious S going to bed with new (bunny) and old (zebra) stuffed animals.





MOM SHOWS UP AT COURT

Thursday March 24 - Friday March 25

Thursday was like any other day here. We ritualistically got up, drove to the orphanage, played with “S” for a few hours, were driven back, had lunch then went shopping at our favorite toy store for the next day’s treats. We also were taken on a tour of the city by a nice student we met at the local university. He’s studying here from Kyrgyzstan and insisted on taking us to the huge local soccer stadium once he heard that Scott plays soccer. It houses a very high tech museum and was very impressive since we don’t have soccer stadiums in the U.S.



Home of Doneskt's team, "Shaktar" (the miners).



Friday morning we hadn’t heard anything so we were anticipating a smooth court hearing that afternoon when we received a call from our agency .  Evidently “S”’s mother showed up at the local adoption administration yesterday asking for her son. She was told that her rights had been revoked by the court back in 2007 but that she was allowed to make an appearance at court on Friday! We were assured by our agency that all should work in our favor but there are never any guarantees.  Our agency also suggested possibly asking the judge to waive the 10 day waiting period, if the case is decided in our favor, so we could leave immediately. All of this news sent a chill up my spine – I certainly didn’t want to lose little “S”. But I also didn’t want to tear a family apart. I kept repeating in my head what a former Ukrainian D.A. (who now lives in the U.S.) told me about mother’s rights here. She said they are ONLY taken in extreme circumstances and the moms are given multiple times to “get it right” and properly care for their children.

So that morning we went to see little “S” and told him only Mama & Papa would go to the court today but we would be back to see him later. We found him along with all the other kids in his wing with their teacher, having a reading lesson in one of the playrooms (I LOVE his teacher! The kids are on holiday this week but she’s still having them read ;-)  We were quickly bombarded with kids, laughing at our terrible pronunciations of Russian words and trying to carry our bags for us. We got to see each child’s self portrait which were taped to a wall – I tried to take a picture of each child next to their drawing, which I will print and bring back on my next trip. We brought Hot Wheel cars, a helicopter toy and other boy stuff, but this time I also brought two “Little Kitty” bracelet/ring sets for the two darling girls in “S”’s wing. I love these little sweeties! When “S” saw what I had and I told him who they were for, he took them from me and insisted on giving them to each of the girls. This kid’s sense of generosity is endless! After a while, we decided to play with “S” alone in another playroom where we could pay more attention to just him and reiterate to him again how much we want him to be part of our family and love him. Our cell rang about an hour later and we were off to court with our agency contact/interpreter.

We arrived in the courthouse just as they were leading the case before us into the court room. I’m sure the small holding cage made of rebar on the side of the room was used for this case; they led the defendant in, handcuffed and accompanied by 2 very loud German Shepherds.  His case was open and shut in about 15 minutes……..we were next.  Upon entering the court room waiting area, I saw a woman sitting on one of the benches accompanied by two young men. Could this be the mom? After about 5 minutes, a single woman came in and sat down near our group. Maybe this was her? Yes, this was her because the inspector from the administration went over to talk to her.  She was a petite woman, mid-thirties, wearing skin tight jeans, black and purple tennis shoes, an older blue parka and a knit cap. Black curls snuck out from under her cap. She had piercing, ice-blue eyes, just like her daughter and same dainty facial features of “S” and his sister.  She was wearing heavy, pink, frosted lipstick and had some teeth missing in the front of her mouth.  She sat completely silent with a steely gaze, even though I tried a few times to make eye contact with her. Meanwhile, one of the jurors (the same two kind women as last time) had brought a snail with her in her purse! It was carefully wrapped in a little plastic container within a plastic bag. She told us she had an aquarium at home and that she had also brought a magnifying glass along too. She had brought these things for “S”, thinking he would be here today and might want to look at it while we waited.  I told her I thought it was very thoughtful and that either “S”, or my son Gavin, would have loved looking at the snail! We were all laughing about the snail when our case was called. We filed into the tiny courtroom, same cast as last time; the prosecutor, the two nice jury ladies, the orphanage representative, our translator/agency contact and the inspector from the local administration. Once again the judge had us confirm our paperwork and who we were. She then asked, “May S’s mother come in and make a statement?” “Da”, we said, “of course.”  In came S’s mom and sat down in the row behind us. The judge asked her to take the stand and tell the court why she is here. My heart was racing and my stomach being pulled upside down at this point. What is she going to say? What CAN she say?

Her voice belied her petite frame; it was harsh, low and coarse. She was very controlled in her speech and seemed confident, with hands held behind her back as she spoke. This was a hardened woman;  tough on the outside and in. It was difficult for me to get a read on her since she rarely made eye contact and I could not assess her speech pattern, grammar, etc. since all this was being interpreted to me. She basically stated she wanted S back and that she, the sister and S would live as a family. The judge then began her questioning; where will you live? (She lives with a boyfriend right now), where is S’s dad? (She doesn’t know, he was just a friend), you were in prison for 2 years for stealing and were released in 2007, why haven’t you gotten a job since then? (She said she cleans floors sometime but is paid under the table), on Monday your daughter told the court you drink a lot and don’t even look for a job, is this true? (Mom’s response; no, my daughter is a bad girl!). The judge and jury then went on to question her on other things like why she NEVER visited S once in the orphanage, why she is just coming to court NOW, even though she was advised of this back in December? (She had no answer). It was revealed in court that S, his sister, his mom and grandma (babushka) had always lived together (except for the 2 years mom was in prison). Mom’s rights were taken in 2007 and babushka was given rights to the children. When babushka got sick in 2009, court records show she came to the court crying, and stating she could no longer care for the kids due to her health. She was obviously very worried and wanted assurances her grandkids would be OK being turned over to the orphanage. The orphanage representative told us S cried a lot that day. Babushka subsequently passed away. I would like to find her grave someday and pay due respect to this caring woman. “Why didn’t you come forward at that point,” asked the judge, "and ask for your kids back?” ("Because it was easier to leave them in the orphanage," she replied). Our interpreter said some of her testimony didn’t make sense and parts of it were outright lies. Halfway through the hearing, the judge stated it is unlawful to lie in court. At times, I saw the two jury ladies shake their heads and snicker to themselves at some of her answers. At one point she said she had wanted to take the kids from babushka but they were off at summer camp (our interpreter said this is a bald faced lie since there is no way she could have afforded summer camp). The judge sighed at times, and shook her head, also seemingly frustrated with her testimony.

 After this, the judge went on to read our ENTIRE home study (it took 2 hours). We think she did this for the benefit of the mother to allow her to learn about us and what we can provide S. The prosecutor had all but given up, and had no questions for us. Instead she had created an entire page of detailed doodles in her notepad over the last few hours.

The judge then asked us a question we were not prepared for. “Would you like to say anything to the mother?” We were caught off guard, so I said exactly how I felt and also tried to be objective. “We certainly are not here to rip families apart,” I began, “but I do believe, given the circumstances, we can provide a better home for S. We love him very much and will provide him with things like a college education. We would be happy to send pictures to her.” I felt so awkward. There was so much more to say, but I tried to keep it short and sweet as we had been advised to do. In hindsight, I wish I would have said more about how we really love this little boy, his personality, how famously he gets along with our son, etc. I turned and looked at the mom, but she again averted her gaze.

 Finally, the judge stated she would retire to her chambers to deliberate with the two jury ladies. We all sat in silence in the court room, mom sitting motionless, just a few feet behind us, staring straight ahead and not showing any emotion. 

After about 20 minutes, the judge reappeared and ruled in our favor! Even the prosecutor was supportive of us! Our translator hugged me and let out a small “yay!” with a big smile. I hugged her back but felt it was not kosher to show too much emotion. It was actually a very bittersweet moment for us. The judge then said there WOULD be a 10 day appeal period during which time anyone could appeal her decision. Court adjourned. It was 5 pm.

I quickly turned and made eye contact with the mom. I wanted to give her some final assurance her son would be in good hands. But she simply turned, walked out the door and was gone.

During the train ride that night to Kyiv, I asked our interpreter what would be the mom’s motivation to come forward now and ask for her kid back? Was it money? Or was it genuine? Our interpreter very astutely stated this is by far, the BEST situation for little S’s life and we need to look forward, not back. She felt the mom was simply uneducated and was given bad advice by someone to come forward now. She also felt that during the testimony, her lies were so blatant that she simply didn’t have even enough education to understand what was being asked in court. She also said if she was really interested in S, she would have approached us directly, with some emotion and would have tried to start a dialogue with us. She would have visited him in the orphanage, etc. I’ll have to agree, her behavior was not what I expected.

We now move on from this into the 10 day waiting period. I’m still not celebrating until this period is over. We will return to the U.S. on Sunday after taking care of some business in Kyiv, then I will return again, after the 10 day period is over. We desperately miss our Gavin! We are so sad little S has to go through yet another separation and more waiting time but we were assured our friends at the orphanage are taking special care of him for us.

Das-vi-dan-ya (goodbye) until trip #3!



"WE NEED LOTS OF THIS!"
(Donetsk is an industrial city with many mines and steel factories. These pictures were taken in a steel sculpture garden.)




Holy mackrel! Is this what the miners do in their spare time?



Hopefully justice has been served in our case (as soon as Scott gains some weight!!)

In some respects, removing Excalibur was easier than our adoption case.

Our favorite Ukrainian restaurant in Donetsk!



Scott and his quail egg salad.



Gavin, I'm making these for you and S for breakfast....traditional apple crepes!!

 

MORE PLAY TIME

WEDNESDAY MARCH 23, 2011

Today it rained and was cold but we got hot and sweaty in the orphanage playing soccer with “S”. We brought him a ball and it was Papa and “S” in a game of keep away from Mama. This kid never gets tired and is going to be a terror on the soccer field. He’s small, fast and can dribble around anyone (he also plays dirty!). I brought some of Gavin’s old clothes for him to try on since we cannot take any clothes away from the orphanage when he leaves with us. I brought various sizes from 4-7 and found he’s about a size 5 or small boys (top & bottom) and a size 12 kids shoe. He loved the cargo pants I brought and refused to take them off after trying them on for size. I think he liked them because they have lots of pockets where he can squirrel away goodies! Today I popped 2 bags of microwave popcorn (which I brought from the States since you can’t find it here) and shared it with the kids.  “S” is super popular now with the other kids at the orphanage due to the “shwag” he gets from us. They call him by his last name (like he’s a teenager or something) when we approach, asking him to bring them some candy, etc. when our visit is over. Although it was drizzling, the kids were all outside playing. I’m bringing lots of Sidewalk Chalk next time since I saw kids writing on the asphalt with tiny pieces of chalk and rocks.

We spent time today asking “S” some questions. I intend to put this information in a “Lifebook” I’m making for “S”, sort of like a baby book you’d make for your child. Here’s our conversation;

Us:         “S”,  do you know that when we go to court, you’ll be given a new name to use in America?”

S:            Da (yes).

Us:       Remember us talking about Andris Shevchenko and what a great soccer player he is? You are a great soccer player too so we would like to name you after him. The name Andris in English is Andy. It means “man or warrior” which you are too! Your new name will be “S. Andrew Schork”. Do you like that?

S:            Da.

Us:         Now we want you to take some time and think about what you want to be called when you get to America. You can go by “Andy” or “S”, whatever you choose.

S:            Andy.

Us:         Are you sure? You can think about it?

S:            Andy.

So Andy it is! We also learned his favorite color is red, but he didn’t have an answer for what his favorite dessert is or for what he wants to be when he grows up. He also doesn’t know when his birthday is. We'll make sure he learns it this year since we’ll have a party to make up for all those he’s missed. And you’ll all be invited!! We also found out who is his favorite caregiver here at the orphanage (we will take her picture) along with his (current) best friend.

Tonight we tried a Ukrainian restaurant for dinner which has become my new favorite! I’m a borscht addict now and order it whenever I can. The borscht at this restaurant was excellent – as were the traditional garlic rolls it’s served with. We were also given an appetizer of thin slices of salted lard with sliced fresh garlic. You dip these in a sort of sour cream sauce (not my favorite). Horse jerky was on the menu (sad). I had a traditional health drink called Honey Kvass made with fermented rye bread and honey (it was OK). Scott ordered an excellent stew served in a dark bread bowl and we also had a local favorite, cabbage rolls (yum)!

Although we’re having fun on this trip, it’s sure hard to be away from our kid back home!

 Thank God for Skype!

THE RIGHT CHOICE

TUESDAY MARCH 22, 2011

Today was just another day in paradise! Our morning was spent playing with uber cute little “S” in the orphanage. We brought Hex Bugs, an airplane set we used to talk to him about his eventual trip to the U.S. , hand-held tether balls and a bunch of other toys. We hopped around with this rabbit nose on and acted like goofballs!

Big brother Gavin bought some cool candy for “S” which I gave to him today.  They are called Lite Bugs and include little light up chop sticks that illuminate gummy bugs you pick up and place in your mouth. He had fun with these and insisted on feeding a few to Scott and I. We also brought the laptop and showed “S” pictures of the kids on our block. He quickly learned Justin, Sean, Scott H. and Bryan H.’s names and pointed them out on subsequent pictures. He was really happy to see pictures of the tire swing and hammock in our backyard.  Overall, he seems very excited to come with us and start his new life with new friends (this kid is so brave!). I am putting together laminated sheets of Russian words for the neighborhood kids so they can communicate with him immediately.

We received an email just a few days ago from someone asking us if we’re sure we want to go through with this adoption, citing others they know who have adopted from Ukraine and are now having behavioral problems with their adopted child.  This made me think of an interview I heard on NPR before I left. Michael Oher (the football player who was the subject of the movie, The Blind Side) was interviewed about his new book, I Beat the Odds. If you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend it! It’s a great family movie about a black teenager who is adopted by a white family in the South. This kid just needed a second chance and is now making millions, playing offensive tackle for the Baltimore Ravens. The whole point Michael Oher is trying to make in his book is, “don’t stigmatize kids in orphanages or the foster care system.” He was one of 12 kids born to a crack-addicted, alcoholic mother and a father who was eventually murdered in jail. Growing up in the slums of Memphis, he repeated both first and second grades, attending eleven different schools during his first nine years as a student. He was placed in foster care at age seven and alternated between living in various foster homes and periods of homelessness.  He played football during his freshman year at a public high school in Memphis then applied for admission to Briarcrest Christian School at the perchance suggestion of acquaintance who knew the headmaster there. At this point, he knew his chances of being adopted were extremely slim given he was a black, teenage male from the slums. But this is where Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy, a couple with a daughter and son attending Briarcrest, stepped in. They allowed Oher to live with them and eventually adopted him. The family began tending to his needs after becoming familiar with his difficult childhood. They also hired a tutor for him, who worked with him for twenty hours per week. See Leigh Anne’s “Two Words” video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8es7H-IvyU&feature=related

Michel Oher is an extraordinary human being who was simply born into a crappy situation. All he needed was a second chance to become a contributing member of society.

So yes, there are definitely issues in Ukrainian society, namely alcoholism that can result in fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS). But there are also lots of great kids stuck in orphanages here who just need a second chance to realize their full potential. I know it because I‘ve met them. We are purposefully adopting an older kid in order to help a kid with low chance of ever getting adopted (most people want babies and only 20% of Ukrainian orphans over 5 are adopted). BUT, we also went into this journey with our eyes open and did our due diligence. I believe the onus for doing this lies with the adopters.  I read TONS on this subject before we began this journey.  We decided beforehand what we could handle and what we couldn’t  in terms of medical issues, knowing that all adopted kids have suffer from some psychological issues due to trauma of separation and institutionalization. We then were clear with our agency regarding what we were looking for. We’ve mobilized the forces back home to help us do this (psychiatrists specializing in orphan trauma/attachment disorders, adoption medicine doctors, FAS specialists and ESL educators). I did tons of research and networking for resources and support. It wasn’t easy since none of this information is in one place, plus the approach to foreign adoption is rapidly changing in this area; the current trend is to require adoptive parents do much more pre-adoption education and have pre-adoption counseling, along with the child when they come home, in order to nip problems in the bud. One professional used the  mechanic analogy to explain this to me, stating a sign in an auto repair shop reads, “Labor= $100/hr. ($150/hr if it’s been going on for a while and  $200/hr if you’ve already tried to fix the car yourself).”  

Given all this, part of international adoption is still a leap of faith. This is the juncture we’re at. No going back now, but I feel as confident as ever we’ve made the right choice!

CARPE DIEM!

 MARCH 21, 2011

Today (Monday), the first day of spring, the sun was shining and we woke up ready for our preliminary court hearing.  As you’ll recall, this hearing was regarding the separation of “S” and his now 18-year-old sister. 

Prior to this, we visited “S” in the orphanage late yesterday afternoon. Our driver pulled into the empty parking lot and WHO do we see walking to the office but our little man! I think we both opened the car doors while the car was still moving, jumped out and swung little “S” around in our arms. He had on a HUGE smile! The first question he asked was, “Where is Gavin?” We told him Gavin had to go to school and could not come. He hugged us again and couldn’t stop smiling….. neither could we. We had brought 3 hot pizzas and drinks for the kids. Since it was a sunny day, all the kids were outside playing. We asked the young woman who was supervising them to tell the kids in his wing we had pizza and drinks for them. They all eventually made it upstairs and the party started.  I’m always amazed at how polite these kids are! Nobody touched the pizzas but all asked politely if they could have a piece and patiently waited until I broke slices off onto napkins.  My Easter egg hunt proved very exciting too! When I showed them the bag of eggs with “konfetti” (candy) in them, the kids went wild! Scott had a hard time containing them all behind a door while I hid the eggs all over the playroom and one of the dorm-style bedrooms. I counted to 3 then they all began scurrying for eggs and eating Hershey kisses with the wrappers on (which I grabbed, literally, out of their mouths, and unwrapped).  Jellybeans were another American invention they quickly became accustomed to. We also passed out 50 glow-in-the-dark bracelets to about 15 kids……which quickly disappeared. I began asking “where did all the bracelets go?” Soon I was taken by the hand into the bedroom by one young boy and lead to his “cabinet” near his bed. Here he showed me his stash. Now  I thought “S” horded………...this kid had him beat by a mile! Not only did he have most of the bracelets which were glowing like the neon lights of Vegas, he had multiple pizza crusts, my entire package of Wet Naps and about 6 Easter eggs in there! I asked him to please share the bracelets and he said “nyet” with a silly grin at first, but then sheepishly gave me back a few to redistribute. I asked him “Why Wet Naps?” He shrugged with his same sweet smile.  Later on I saw him pull a girl from another floor into the room and present her with a pizza crust, wrapped up in a greasy napkin, like it was a coveted gift. I love when I witness the sweetness of the soul of a child. These kids have so little but still rejoice in giving. We left right before dinner (oops, nobody’s hungry) and told “S” we have a big day planned tomorrow.

This morning, we picked up “S” and drove to the courthouse. Our translator/agency contact, Lana from the first trip, was back with us. We love her bubbly personality and positive outlook on life! She prepped us well for what she thought the judge’s questions would be.  Many of the Ukrainian judges are women yet, men are the ones requested to speak in court. So Lana and I quizzed Scott during the entire 40 minute drive.  We picked up “S” who was all decked out in black slacks and a nice sweater with a red turtleneck underneath. He looked so handsome! We met the rest of our party at the courthouse (the sister and her social worker, the Inspector from the local Adoption Commission, the jury which consisted of 2 very friendly women and a representative from the orphanage). We had to wait about 1 hour for our case to be heard. During this time, little “S” sat very patiently, I was so proud of him! I tried reading him a book which I had transliterated (thank you Lena!!) about a boy being adopted and the parents going to court to talk to the judge.  In the book the little boy accidently belches in court! “S” was very entertained and giggled – at least he shares our family’s sense of humor and will probably love Scott’s tasteless fart and booger jokes that are not far off in his future ;-(  After about 50 minutes, I fed him some Whoppers left over from the Easter egg hunt and Scott finally pulled out his cell phone so he had some time to improve his Brick Breaker Game. Finally, our case was called and we all filed into the courtroom, along with the prosecutor.  The room was spartan with only a gold Ukrainian insignia decorating the mint green walls. On one side of the small room, was an even smaller rebar cage, I assumed held bad guys during criminal trials. On a wooden riser at the front of the room sat the judge, a nice looking woman about my age and the court reporter. Scott, “S” and I sat scrunched together with Lana on one of the benches, very close so we’d be able to hear her whispered translations. The judge began reading the case and the Prosecutor began writing furiously in a notepad. This scared me even though Lana had put us at ease by letting us know it is customary to have a prosecutor  play “devil’s advocate” to insure both sides are heard in each case. Scott was asked a few questions and so was I (yippee!) and I tried to answer in Russian when I could.  We were basically asked to confirm things in our file and asked if we trusted everyone in the courtroom. We answered “yes.” Scott was then asked how we plan to communicate with the sister over the long term. He answered via email, phone, Skype and that we will have her visit as soon as she is able to leave the country.  Then the Prosecutor called the sister to the stand and asked her many questions about why she couldn’t take “S” (she has no money, no means to care for him, no place for him to live, plus she wants to start college). She also asked the sister about the mother’s other daughters (“S”’s half sisters), who we learned are 14 and 2 years old.  In the end, since the mother’s rights were taken by the court in 2007, there is nobody to care for “S”, the judge ruled in our favor. But wait, we’re not out of the woods yet! The Ukrainian system seems to wants all parties to unanimously agree, so the judge requested an updated resolution from the Adoption Commission, stating “S” can now be adopted. The plan is to receive this on Friday and have the actual adoption hearing then. We will keep our fingers and toes crossed and be knocking on A LOT of wood until then! After Friday, a 10 day appeal period will begin. Barring any unforeseen circumstances,  on day 11 little “S” becomes ours!! I told Scott I would start celebrating with him on Friday (since we did no celebrating on our last trip). We read about families cracking open bottles of champagne on the train ride back to Kyiv last time and were very jealous!

We hope the next few days are just quiet play days for us at the orphanage with “S”.  No news is good news in our case!



SUNSET NEAR THE ORPHANAGE



ARRIVAL IN DONETSK

MARCH 20, 2011



Scott entering our flat.



We arrived safely in Donetsk at 7 AM this morning and settled into our flat. We spent last night on the overnight train from Kyiv and the previous night in Kyiv since our flight came in too late for us the catch the train. It’s a balmy 34 degrees Fahrenheit here and sunny….…woo hoo,  it’s warm! We are not even wearing our long johns. The snow is virtually gone which gives the city a very different look than last time. People are out in the parks walking their dogs, jogging and babies aren’t bundled up in 200 layers of clothing, completely immobilized like they were in November (we called them baby loaves). We’ve already been shopping and stocked up on groceries. The trip seems like it will be much easier this time due to our familiarity with the city, our favorite restaurants, grocery stores, contacts here and my improved command of the language. One new thing Scott discovered today at the grocery store was that beer is sold in 2 liter plastic bottles! Now that’s a lot of beer! No, he didn’t buy one.

Today at 3 pm we go visit “S” – we can’t wait!! On the weekends (today is Sunday) we get to see “S” and all his friends up in his wing of the orphanage. Therefore, I’ve loaded up 36 Easter eggs with candy so we can have an Easter egg hunt. We are sending this blog from a pizza parlor where we are waiting for 3 large pizzas to bring to the orphanage along with soda, as a special treat for all the kids!!! (I’m sure their teachers will love us ruining their dinner and loading them up with caffeine……..he, he, he!). We’re also bringing a small gift for “S” ‘s teacher who has been teaching him English for us. We’re going to give all the kids the pictures they took during our last trip. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to see themselves since they loved hamming it up for the camera.

Our preliminary court hearing is tomorrow morning. We have our fingers (and toes) crossed that all goes as planned. We haven’t told “S” what is going on until we get more information and can make a timeline for him.  

We’re happy all of you in California are safe now from the radioactive plume! We’ve found a German TV channel that broadcasts the news in English so we’re up on everything. This is the longest we will be away from our son, Gavin. We sure miss him but know he’s probably having the time of his life with his cousins and our neighbors.

I’ll blog more once we get the internet hooked up in our flat on Monday.

Paka! (Bye!)

On our balcony



SECOND TRIP FINALLY HERE!!

Hello again!
We are excited to leave today for our second trip to cold Ukraine. As you know, our first trip revealed that "S" had a sister who was also in the orphanage system. Officials would not allow us to separate these siblings. Since our last trip, she has turned 18 and is no longer in the orphanage system. This may allow us to proceed with our adoption of "S". We are also excited meet "S" 's sister again and are looking forward to talking more with this lovely young woman, getting to know her and helping her out financially in Ukraine.
Since our last trip we've been communicting with "S" weekly via a translator over the phone. One of his wonderful teachers in the orphanage has been teaching him English. So far he's been able to tell us, "Hi.", "It's winter here." and "Can you bring me a cell phone?" Ha! That last one is going in our "Funny Kids' Sayings" book at home. Why does every kid on the planet want a phone?!

I'll be blogging daily once we are in our flat. Last time I heard many people had trouble getting my blog as an RSS feed after subscribing. Our agency has helped us with this problem with this blog watcher's tip;

How do you know when a post is added?  RSS updates have been unreliable.  Here’s a tip:  Set up your own blog page, just for tracking blog updates on Blogspot.  You can do that within 5 minutes.  In the Design tab you can see the blog layout with “Add a Gadget” on the right column.  Add the gadget for “Blogs I’m Watching”.  Then add the URLs of all the blogs you want to track.  Whenever a blog on your list is updated with a new post, it will show up at the top of the column with a time indicator.  Just hit this page to check for updates and it is easy to see who has updated their blog and how long ago the entry was posted.

One request I  have of all of you is to keep us posted regarding the potential cloud of nuclear fallout heading for the West Coast. We don't have CNN here and English newspapers are not the easiest things to find where we are.  If all of you start driving east will someone please take our son and dogs with them? ;-)