NO ACTION IN KYIV

Sunday  April 10, 2011

The train ride to Kyiv last night was warm, cozy and comfortable. S and I read and watched The Incredibles on the computer (for the 18^th time), then decided to let the train rock us to sleep. I thought I’ve been doing a good job of keeping him abreast of our next steps. I show him the calendar everyday and try and explain what will happen the next day, when we will see the doctor, etc. I guess I haven’t been doing such a good job since right before he went to bed, he kept asking me a question I couldn’t understand. I felt bad for the little guy so I called S’s new English teacher, Natalia, back in Saratoga. She was a Godsend! I’m not sure what she said to him, but she put him at ease since he immediately got a big smile on his face and then went right to sleep!

S puts on his backpack at the train station in Donetsk.

Doing some work on the train.

He absolutely LOVES the backpack I brought for him and his wallet. I give him grivna every now and then. He loves copying my actions when I go to the bank to exchange money and carrying the grivna around. Yesterday, our driver took us to the train station and dropped us of in our cabin. Before he left, I handed him a letter thanking him (written in Russian by Natalia – thank you!) along with a tip. S immediately got his wallet out, reached in and handed our driver 1 grivna (there are 8 grivnas in $1). It was so cute! Our driver held the grivna to his heart and cocked his head and said “Pa-jal-sta!” (thank you). Every time I go to a bank to exchange money, S is right there with his wallet out, thinking he’ll get some too! He has no interest in American money or Euros since I’ve tried to offer those and explain that grivnas don’t work everywhere. He’ll learn.


Since he loves mimicking me, I told him I was going to take a shower this afternoon. He was watching a video (how much ya want to bet it was Tom & Jerry or The Incredibles?). After I got out, he ran to me shouting “Ducha, ducha !” and pulling off his socks and shirt. Boy was this a shower! I was soooooooo pleased! He washed his hair no less than 4 times, using my shampoo, the Johnson’s Baby shampoo, a shampoo that was in the bathroom and the bar soap on the sink! Then he washed his body all by himself, then he asked me to scrub his back!!! (I’m not kidding!) I thought bathing would be the hardest thing! It was a bit hard to get him to use warm water but he finally got used to it!

S counting his grivna in the backseat.



My friend and adoptive mother Karla, has been a great coach, getting me up to speed on toileting habits at some orphanages. Let’s just say at home I plan to hand a huge sign over his toilet that says “flush” in Russian and English! Also, there is sometimes no TP in orphanages…………go figure. We’re working on it!

Today we stayed in our new apartment here in Kyiv since the weather was quite variable. It started off sunny when we left for our grocery store run, then rained then SNOWED!   We played tag in a playground on the way home. S really never wants to leave this apartment. I don’t know if it’s because the he didn’t get out much over the winter in the orphanage or if he’s just astounded by all the toys/DVDs/I-pod/junk I brought and wants to play with it.

Walking to our flat in Kyiv.

View from our flat.

My washing machine. Don't forget the "Tide Sinkfuls"!!

My dryer. Don't forget your clothesline like I did!


My kitchen and (Harry Potter) broom.



A playground near our flat (note sleeping dog).

There's nothing better than Ukrainian bread and real butter!

Unfortunately, since his Ukrainian passport is still not ready in Donetsk, we can’t begin much of the paperwork here. We copied some documents today that we need for the Embassy appts. But that ‘s about it. Tomorrow we have no plans except for walking down to a local mall to check it out.

S and I Skyped with G and Scott tonight! S really liked it and was yammering on in Russian to them. I’m beginning to really miss G (way to go G, winning that baseball game!). I also got to see and talk to the dogs – do you think they heard me? Hopefully we’ll be back home soon!

 I’m connecting to the internet with a WiFi stick which sucks so I may not be blogging much, unless I find a wireless café.  Take care!!

BUDGET IMPASSE MAY LENGTHEN TRIP



Donetsk's soccer stadium. Those are moveable "sun lamps" behind us to help the grass grow on the field. The ground is also heated since this stadium is open (and it gets VERY cold here!).

 Friday April 8, 2011

Today S and I found out we would be returning to Kyiv tomorrow on the overnight train. Reason being, we have not yet received his passport here in Donetsk so our agency feels it doesn’t make sense to wait any longer when we can begin some of the paperwork/medical exam in Kyiv. Hopefully his passport will be available Monday and can be sent to me in Kyiv. Our agency does a stellar job of keeping up with Ukrainian and U.S. politics affecting adoptions, so their advice is to try and get things moving on his visa before there is a shutdown at the U.S. Embassy in Kyiv due to the budget gridlock back home. Hopefully the House and Senate will be locked in a room together, without toilets, food or water (or pay) until they come to an agreement!!!!! We will sure miss Donetsk though! It’s a much smaller, friendlier city than Kyiv, I know my way around and we’re right downtown, close to everything. Between my knowledge of key words, Google translate, my pocket phrase book and my ability to read Cyrillic, everything is easier this time! For you parents coming after us, learning some Russian, reading Cyrillic and being able to write your and your child's name in Cyrillic, will really add fun to your trip! Thanks to friend and fellow adoption blogger, Richard (http://adoption.lecour.us/201004/basics-of-reading-russian-933.html ),who has a GREAT crash course in Cyrillic, I’ve learned a lot and also have insights into how hard it will be for little man to learn English. The Russian alphabet has letters and sounds we don’t have. One letter looks like a squished bug and also sounds like one (it’s the “zh” sound as in the end of "massage"). They don’t have the “ch” or “th” sound. Our letter “R” is a “P” in Cyrillic. Our “V”s are “B”s, there’s a letter than resembles a lambda, there’s the upside down Pi sign…..…the list goes on. Remembering your Greek alphabet will help. The game S and I play now is I try and sound out Russian words, completely massacring them. He laughs, then tells me the “correct” pronunciation.  When I’m able to pronounce the word correctly, and I can actually understand the sounds coming out of my mouth, I do a victory dance and S thinks I’m a loon! It’s sort of fun, like deciphering little puzzles.

Today was an exciting day for little man. During our last trip, I met a student (Daniyar) who is studying at a University here. He and his family are refugees from Kazakhstan (he’s married with a 6-year-old girl). He speaks English (along with 4 other languages) so did some translating for us and took Scott and I on a wonderful sightseeing tour of Donetsk during our last trip. Today I asked him if he’d take S and I over to the soccer stadium in Donetsk for a tour. I told S about it yesterday, to try and get him ready and give him a feeling of control over his situation. He told me he was excited to go but I really didn’t know HOW excited he’d get. To put it mildly, HE WAS IN HEAVEN!!!

The local team here in Donetsk is called Waxtep Shaktar. “Shaktar” means “miner” in Russian, as mining is the big industry here. The team dates back to 1916 and Ukrainians are VERY proud of Shaktar! (Even though everyone in town was bummed since they lost to Barcelona last night : - (    ) . It’s a strange juxtaposition: the average household income is only $3,000 per year (yes, in U.S. dollars!),yet the town has a stadium that makes Candlestick Park look like a high school. There is a very rich man here in Donetsk who funded this entire thing……and it’s impressive.

When we arrived, we first went in the gift store and I had Daniyar tell S he could get something, as long as it wasn’t too expensive. This is a SWANK gift store, mind you! Nike makes everything and it’s just as expensive as the Giant’s Dugout at PacBell Park! Poor little S was again overwhelmed (but smiling), walking through the aisles of everything from Shaktar underwear to stuffed animals to coffee mugs. He didn't know what he wanted. Daniyar did a great job with him, helping him try on some clothing in the kid’s section. He finally chose a hat that fit him and a jersey that he’ll have to grow into. I bought two handkerchiefs for our dogs. I told S he can put them on Gracie and Jamani – this will undoubtedly help him bond with our pooches. We then walked from the gift shop into the museum which are both inside the stadium. The lobby of the museum was overflowing with kids around S’s age, obviously on a field trip. I was happy I had S here, since I need to make up for all the childhood he’s missed. Since he has only gone to school in the orphanage, I'm sure there were not many field trips like this. The manager of the place remembered Scott and I from our last visit, when Daniyar had taken us here before. He was excited to meet little S since we had talked about him last time. He shared with me that he believes adoption is a great thing (not a feeling shared by all Ukrainians, especially when it is AMERICANS doing the adopting). He went on to share that the team’s goalie had just adopted a child! I had read about this in light of the Ukrainian government trying to thwart the stigma that surrounds adoption by Ukrainians. Anyway, we ended up getting a private tour and little S was let in for free! (Hey, I only play the “orphan card” when appropriate!).  Little man was beaming the entire time!  I’ve also learned he’s kind of shy with other people and stayed very close to me during the tour.

Artificial turf around the sides, real grass on the field.

Daniyar doing a mock interview with the great footballer in front of the "media wall."

A luxury skybox.

S and the President of Shaktar.

In the locker room!!

Locker room.

They had humongous jacuzzis in the locker room (behind S).

The "cleat washing" station for between halves.

The "bench," fully equipped with seat warmers! Our guide was quick to tell us Chelsea (the popular soccer team in England) only has a wooden bench.

Our guide actually let us walk onto the field! We got special treatment!

Tunnel the players run through when entering the field.

This was an interactive soccer game projected onto the floor (shouldn't have used my flash!). We played until we got kicked off!

The cool (intentional) graffetti inside the stadium (F.C.S.D.= Football Club Shaktar Donetsk).

  THE MUSEUM:

A "fog screen" on which a movie was projected. S was leary when our guide asked us to walk through the screen. But once he did it, he couldn't get enough!

Outside stadium. This ball looks like it's floating/spinning on water.

There is a huge park surrounding the stadium with some WWII tanks on display. Like our son G,  S is ALL boy and ran to these tanks and started climbing them! 

A monument to Ukrainians who lost there lives fighting the Germans during WWII on this site. All their names are listed.

Tonight we watched a little of “Stargate” on TV, dubbed in Russian. The good news is the dubbing is terrible; they talk over, and a little behind, the soundtrack so if you listen “under” you can hear the English. He really liked the show (especially the “moon-stars”/monsters)! I put little man to bed around 8. He, of course, didn’t want to go. He finally went, begrudgingly, hugging a new stuffed tiger I let him pick out at the grocery store today. He wandered into the kitchen about 15 minutes later, and asked if he could help me do the dishes! What a cutie! I sent him back to bed so I could begin this blog.

Tomorrow we leave on the train at 6 pm so I will miss a day of blogging. In the meantime, please pray for us that things continue to go smoothly (also pray for those morons in the House and Senate!).

IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS.........

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Today was fairly uneventful.  It started out sunny then began to rain so S and I stayed inside most of the day. He doesn’t seem to want to go out much, as he’s enthralled by all the toys I brought and watching  the The Incredibles and Tom & Jerry (over and over and…..). I gave him a wallet and put some grivna in it. He loves having something of his own and insists on sleeping with the wallet. He tried to give some of his grivna to our driver who stopped by tonight to drop off a new cell phone for me.  He’s also in love with a small flashlight I brought so we open the lock of our flat at night. He also had never been in an elevator before riding the one that takes us up to the 6^th floor of this building.

Today I let him stay in most of the day but insisted we go out for a short walk to get some exercise. We walked down to my favorite candy store located a few blocks from our flat near a bunch of street food vendors. They sell candy, cookies and fruit. You’re immediately enveloped by sweet aromas when you walk into the tiny shop and all the goodies are displayed in large piles, just like fruit at a farmer’s market. I bought some “cow candies” for Gavin (his favorite!) then asked S what he wanted. He just stood still, then looked at me. Then he looked away. I thought, “Is he mad I made him go for a walk?” Then it hit me. He was befuddled by too many choices. It was simply overwhelming! I then pointed to three types of candy and said, “Eta, eta, eley eta?” (This one, this one or this one?”). He was then able to choose one candy – the Lion bar. Everyday I try and have him make more and more decisions on his own. I must remember this is a completely new thing for him.

Tonight he took a shower for me and washed his hair.  I had to ask a few times but the bath crayons and waterproof Nemo book I brought finally did the trick. He proceeded to write his name on the shower walls with the crayons. He then let me clip his fingernails and clean his ears with Q-tips (as long as I let him watch Stich & Lilo again). I even introduced him to dental floss tonight!  

Tomorrow we’ll need to do another grocery run since this kid’s eating me out of house and home! For breakfast he had oatmeal, an entire banana, juice, bread, and an egg! I need to be careful of hording/overeating which is common in kids adopted from orphanages. Tonight at dinner, after eating his own dinner, he asked if he could have one of my rolls. I said sure. After that he was complaining of a stomach ache…poor little guy’s stomach is getting stretched like it’s never been before! He was fine  in 30 minutes. He weighed 42 lbs when he left the orphanage. It will be interesting to see how much he weighs in a few months : - ) .

Little man's lunchtime feast.

THESE ARE IMAGES FROM OUR LAST TRIP:

These are two of my favorte girls in S's wing. The kitten she is holding was born to a mama cat that lives at the orphanage. The kids take great care of the kittens! There are far fewer girls than boys for adoption worldwide.  There were ony 3 in S's entire wing of about 15 kids. This is because people who adopt usually want girls over boys....especially older boys.

Scott and S played soccer in the orphanage non-stop.

I asked some of S's friends to pose in front of their self-portraits and this is what they did. We spent around 30 days total visiting S in the orphanage and getting to know his friends. These 3 boys were sort of shy at first but warmed up to us. Their beautiful manners and brains blew away any preconceived notions I had of "orphans". Unfortunately, 2 of these boys are identical twins (center and right). This means they cannot be separated and must be adopted together. This puts their chance of ever being adopted extremely low since there is only a 20% chance of a single boy over the age of 5 being adopted in Ukraine. This is because most people who adopt want infants. In the past, 70% of boys released from orphanages ended up in a life of crime. The Ukrainian government now has a program in place to support these orphans until age 23 to try and curb this statistic.

HOMETOWN AND VISIT WITH SISTER

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Among the gifts I brought, was a birthday present for S's sister. As you recall, she always backed our adoption selflessly and without reservation. Even when this adoption was denied during our first trip, on the grounds we could not separate S and his sister (who were both in the orphanage system at that time), she stated she did not have the means to care for S when she got out anyway, and that we should take him. Then after she turned 18 (two weeks ago, during our second trip) and was not considered "in the orphanage system" anymore, she again testified in court on our behalf, against her mother, that S was better off with us. I was astonished by her poise, conviction and ethics, especially given her home situation and that she has no family (except S). Scott and I wanted to give her a birthday gift, but were unable to during the last trip. So today S and I ventured to her home. She's out of the orphanage now but still is under the care of a "trade school" for older orphans, located in the town where S was born.

S and his beautiful sister after our court hearing during our last trip. In front of the courthouse.

After driving for about 50 minutes through agricultural areas, we arrived in a small, bleak town. I asked Lana what the major industry was here; was it mining as is common in this region? Not mining, but she didn't know what it was. We passed a huge old grainery that was closed down. Maybe this was a wheat harvesting area in its heyday? We drove through the "downtown" with a few small shops and restaurants and I noticed the open air market which was a series of metal sheds facing eachother along the side of the main road. S seemed uninterested. Someday I'm sure he'll want to see pictures though.



This town's open-air market.



City workers sweep away winter's dirt.

 Our driver had to ask directions twice, but we finally found the trade school. We were led inside by Lana and up a large staircase. The walls were adorned with murals that reminded me of the 1940-Diego Rivera-style-stern-proletariat look of proud faces sporting chiseled jaws and work caps. Upstairs, we were warmly greeted by the sister and her social worker. I have grown to love her social worker! He's a gregarious, friendly guy in his 50's with salt and pepper hair who genuinely cares about the kids he oversees. He's always making jokes, quizzing me about American politics, our taxation system or sharing insightful facts about the Ukraine I need to know for S's sake. He always wears the same tall, Russian fur hat and black overcoat each time I've seen him. Today was no different. He strides in and gives me a hardy, sincere handshake. He was followed by S's sister who presented a gift bag to me and S! This kid has no money for gifts! What is she doing? We exchanged hugs and S and his sister sat down next to eachother, holding hands. In my gift bag was a tall vase and S received a stuffed bear and bon voyage card. There were two other women in the room, one of whom was the sister's teacher. The teacher was beaming when she talked about the sister,praising her exemplary study habits. She told us she has finsihed a 2-year trade school that taught painting/wall paper/interior design (from what I understood). I asked again, if she is interested in ever attending University. The answer was no, that she now wanted to be a dentist. "Wow," I thought to myself. No, uh, I misunderstood. She is going into a program where she makes teeth, like the real-looking type they use for crowns. I tell them that is lucrative business in the U.S., based on what my dentist charges!





In front of trade school.

 

Sister, her social worker and S.

The staff was obviously very pleased to have me here. Lana translated that it's quite an anomoly having an American here. Adoptive parents usually never visit the trade schools. They told me it's also unusual for Americans to adopt from S's particular orphanage. It's usually Italians who tend to adopt from this orphanage, they said. I told them I'm very pleased to be here and am impressed at how beautiful their school is on the inside (it is very impressive given the look of the rest of the town). They said thanks but tell me that they have suffered hard economic times and are losing teachers and staff since pay for these positions is not competitive.

I handed a torquoise box to the sister and motioned for her to unwrap it. This was the first of three gifts to her. Inside was a "friendship ring" comprised of two separate silver rings with intertwined hearts. One of them is engraved with the following:
"Friends are family we chose for ourselves."

Natalia, my AWESOME Russian coach and S's soon-to-be English teacher, translated the saying into Russian and wrote it on the small card the rings were attached to. After I had sister read it, I took the rings off the card, put one on, then handed the other to her. I said, "Now you HAVE to come visit since the rings need to be back together again!" She smiled and giggled! I hope she gets the message she CAN still have a family someday. She is one of the most deserving people I know.

Our second gift was a small photo book. Since S's sister is kind of shy, I made a photo album for her, depicting our home, lifestyle, pictures of what we do for recreation, etc., with the hope of making her feel more comfortable about coming to visit us. She was very interested when I showed her the picture of our guest room, where she will stay if she comes. Everyone was extremely interested in seeing the pictures and insisted we pass it around and explain each picture.

Lana then announced the third gift; Scott and I would like to buy S's sister a computer, to help her in school and so that she and S can Skype and email each other. Everyone in the room was flabergasted! Lana translated that the director himself does not even have a laptop. Nobody can afford things like that here! This is huge! Again, I feltl a little embarrasssed but know it's the right thing to do for this young girl. Having a computer could be a huge advantage in a situation like hers. If she DOES decide to go to University someday, she absolutely needs one.

Before we left for the computer store, I was given a quick tour of the school and we took some pictures. One of the staff handed S a big box of Ukrainian chocolates and again, bid me congratulations on our adoption! Then we were off!

We had to drive about 30 minutes to a store in a mini-mall that carried computers. After carefully discussing the merits of different brands, speed, memory, and chip manufacturer, we all finally decided on an Acer laptop. I could finally see the excitement building on this girl's face! She had been so shy in the past with me, I'm happy she was finally becoming more comfortable. We asked sister to pick out a case and then had to go to another store to buy a modem and some other attachments for the internet. We were told by her social worker that there is someone locally who will help her hook everything up and give her a quick lesson on the computer and Skyping. She'll be up and running by next week and will have free internet access at the trade school. YAY!! I wish Scott had been here for this moment. It was spectacular! (plus it's his hard-earned money!) 

MOM IN SHOCK!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Wow, having a second child IS really different.  Lana stayed with us in the flat last night but she's leaving this afternoon to go help another family in a different region. I'll be alone with S after that and don't know if I can handle it, based on his behavior...it's all new to me:  This morning he cleaned up his plate after breakfast, even tried to wash his spoon with his hand and put it back in the drawer! Then he obediently brushed his teeth, then MADE THE BED (Gavin, are you reading this?). He then noticed his jacket had fallen off it's hook by the door so climbed onto a small bench to hang it back up (Gavin!......). Oh, did I mention he insisted on helping me put away the groceries last night? The pasta ended up in the fridge but it was the thought that counts. What a great kid!!

I'm sure he'll be lazing on the sofa soon, watching the Disney Channel and ordering me to make him a smoothie (Gav, don't get any ideas now).

(LOL!    ;-) ).

The king takes a much needed rest and watches Tom & Jerry in bed! (Great call on the DVDs Scott!! He LOVES Tom & Jerry!)

This morning my alarm went off on my cell at 7 but I , of course, hit snooze. About a half hour later, I just woke up. Upon opening my eyes, I saw S about 5 inches from my face staring at me. Just as Scott and I used to stare at Gavin when we first brought him home form the hospital, S was staring at his new mama, trying to figure me out. I said "priv-yet" (hi). Then I saw he had my cell phone in his hand and was playing Brick Breaker on it. Little rascal! I would have never awoke! He and Gavin will be two peas in a pod!

We had scrambled eggs and fruit salad for breakfast, which he devoured. He got very excited when I offered him bread. He wanted lots of butter on it. Lana said the kids don't get things the way they want them in the orphanage so having butter on his bread is special.

I asked him to get dressed. He immediately got the clothes he was wearing yesterday, including underwear and socks. I told him, "No, dirty" and showed him the laundry bag. "Mama wash," I said. At the orphanage, kids are showered and  clothes are washed once a week. I gave him some clean clothes which he was elated to put on.

Next, our driver will pick us up at 9 AM for our big visit with S's sister!