MEETING "S"

FRIDAY, 26 NOVEMBER, 2010.

We arrived in Donetsk at 7 am to heavy fog and our friendly driver, Andriy. As he loaded our luggage into the car, I tried looking around….this is where our new son is from, I had to see it and soak in as much as possible! But to no avail, the fog was so thick you could only see a few feet beyond the side of the road.  It reminded me of the tule fog in Davis in the winter, when you can’t drive over 25 miles per hour on the country roads. Our first stop was the “Inspector’s” office to have our paperwork checked before going to the orphanage.  This office was near the orphanage which was about 30 minutes out of town, in the middle of farmland.

Upon arriving at the Inspector’s office, we had to show our passports. Dymtro discussed the case with the Inspector and then we were off to the orphanage.  On the way to the orphanage, we were told not to talk unless asked a question. I was also reminded to never say “hi” (“pri-vet” in Russian) to an official. I should instead say “hello” (zdrast-vuyt-ye).  Point well taken.

We were the only car in the parking lot as we pulled up to the orphanage. The orphanage was made up of 6 or 7 large, 4-story brick buildings and huge fenced in yard for the kids to play in. Although it was old by our standards (“1965” was etched into the stone near the roofline) it was very clean and well maintained. We were shown into the director’s office along with the Inspector who had arrived with us. The director was the warmest young woman we had met yet!  She was all smiles and politeness and even offered Gavin a special candy from her desk. She stated that Gavin was very big. She said “S” was very small for his age. She then asked us (with Dymtro translating) how we liked Ukraine, what we did for a living and how we would juggle our jobs along with another child. You could tell she really cared about the kids in her charge. I had made a booklet of pictures from our home, of our pets, yard, cousins, etc. and had it translated by our newfound friends R & L (THANKS SO MUCH IF YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS!!!). They translated my picture captions into Russian then transliterated it (phonetic pronunciation) so I would be able to read it to our new son, as well as leave the booklet with the orphanage personnel so they could read it to him between our two trips. This booklet became an invaluable resource with the Inspector and the Orphanage Director as it depicted our lives, to a fuller extent, than did our dossier. It also showed how we intend to gently communicate with this boy right away and the support we have back home. It also explained how one of Gavin's cousins was adopted from Khazakstan and how Gavin's uncle was also adopted.  We received a lot of (positive) questions about this. The Director and Inspector were both curious about the book and laughed at many of the pictures.  The Director then left the room and we waited with Dymtro and the Inspector. After a few seconds, much to our surprise, the Director came walking in with a small boy at her side, dutifully holding her hand.  He looked about 5 ½ years old, maybe weighing 45 lbs. He was actually 7 and ½.  His sweater and slacks looked oversized on his slight frame. We said hi and he responded softly, not making eye contact. The Director explained he had a slight cold.  We were all surprised she would bring him into her office since we thought we would be escorted to some type of play room to meet him. We stumbled through some greetings in Russian, and he seemed to understand and responded shyly. The Director said he goes to school on the premises, is learning to write in Ukrainian but speaks Russian.  Gavin offered him some American candy we had brought (Skittles) after receiving approval from the Director. He loved that! Then we showed him some of the toys we brought and began playing catch with an inflatable plastic ball with squishy spikes all over it. He was really coordinated and seemed to love playing catch!  Suddenly, he placed his hand up to his nose and walked straight to the door and stood there without a word, his back to us. I asked what was wrong and the Director said his nose is running and he needed a Kleenex. At that point I realized he did not go to any of us in the room, not the Director, the Inspector, Dymtro nor us for help. He just went and stood by the door. I had read about this type of behavior since commonly there are not enough caretakers in orphanages, so kids are not used to getting their needs met.  They don’t even know to ask. It breaks my heart. In about 2 seconds he was met with a flurry of Kleenexes from my bag and the Director’s desk, and came back down to sit with us. Next the Medical Director came in. She was a matronly grey-haired woman, wearing a white nurse’s pinafore straight out of WWII. She went over all his vaccines and health status. He had been in the orphanage about 2 years.  She answered all our questions. Everything was good news!

After this, we were taken into a play room where there were toys, chairs, tables and sofas. We got out some of the games I brought and “S” aced the memory game, like it was old school for him. I had purchased some great flash cards at Lakeshore Learning store with the picture of the item (animals, food, parts of the body, toys, etc.) on the front and both the Russian (plus transliteration) and English spellings on the back. As he would find things that matched in the memory game, I would say the word in Russian with great delight! A few times I guess I mispronounced because he corrected me!! This kid is smart!  Gavin did a great job acting as a support for him and being a wonderful big brother already. Right before we left, Gavin gave him one of the Kinder Eggs we had bought in Paris. He certainly knew what this was since he tore it open and gobbled it up (I’m so happy he’s a choc-o-holic just like me ;-)). The prize inside was a “Mishka” (teddy bear) that he really liked. The Director announced our time was up. We all walked to the door of the orphanage and said our goodbyes. I hugged the little guy and Gavin and Scott shook his hand. None of us wanted to leave.

On the ride home, Dymtro said everything went fine. The next objective was to bond with him over the next 10 days. We’d be allowed a 2 hour visit each day. The orphanage needs to see that he is bonding to us and he has to want to go with us. I wouldn’t want it any other way. After all this kid’s been through, it needs to be his absolute choice. Dymtro said “S” was told who we were and why we were there. I can’t imagine what a stressful experience it must have been for him; whether he wanted to be adopted or not.

We drove back to Donetsk, all anticipating our visit tomorrow!