OUR S.D.A. APPOINTMENT

WEDNESDAY, Nov. 24, 2010

Here is a picture taken out our kitchen window. Our building looks just like this, as do the hundreds of other apartment buildings outside Kyiv. To me this is a reminder of the years of Soviet occupation of the Ukraine. I often look down from this window and see teens smoking behind the small building below, maybe hiding from parents (?).  Cigarettes are cheap here, relatively speaking ($1.14 per pack) which makes them sadly affordable. There are non-smoking ordinances in buildings, restaurants, but you seem to never be able to escape the smoke. It’s everywhere.

Today is the big day…our appointment at the S.D.A. (State Dept. of Adoptions) is at 12 noon.  Our driver picked us up and drove us downtown. There was A LOT of traffic and we barely made it in time. Turns out Benjamin Netanyahu is here so the downtown area near the federal buildings was packed with police. Israeli and Ukrainian flags were hung from all the lamposts. Finally we arrived and Lana was waiting for us outside the back of a non-descript building. We entered an austere foyer with plain white and blue walls with various announcements in Russian tacked up, announcing new rules and regulations for adopting families.  There were 2 other couples ahead of us in line, waiting up a flight of stairs and a group of people in an adjoining room pouring over what looked like files. The other couples also had “handlers” with them. The couples ahead of us were each escorted up the stairs into another room while we waited in the stair well.

 I knew I liked Lana. Constantly looking at her watch she opened the door at the top of the stairs at 12:05 when we hadn’t been called yet, searching for someone to talk to. At 12:15 I asked her if we would, in fact, have an hour for our appointment since in Ukraine, lunch runs from 1-2 pm. She assured me “da” = yes.  She went boldly down the hall again, searching for someone to escort us in. Finally at 12.:20 we were called in. We were brought into a small room filled with files neatly placed in wooden cabinets, a desk and a few computers. We met the SDA worker  called Yenta who immediately began showing us files of children. Lana had warned us that they may show us files of kids with physical and mental disabilities, even though on our documents we state that we want to adopt a “healthy” child with “minor correctable difficulties”. This wording is recommended since ALL children who have been institutionalized will have some type of physical and learning delays. If you do not put this wording on your documents they will NOT consider you for adoption. Nonetheless, we were shown about 5 files with pictures of kids who were deaf or had other severe neurologic problems. It was so sad to put these aside, but we had to. I assume they show these files just in case a couple changes their mind and decides to adopt one of these kids. You would have to start all of your paperwork over again and it would take months. Lana then asked for healthy children. They brought out 2 files of 2 adorable boys. I had warned Scott & Gavin to not judge based on the picture attached to the file as these kids are sometimes not smiling or look sad/scared. Lana poured over the documents attached  to each child and I had her show me the medical reports. Even though  I’m not too good at reading Russian, I could see in each category ”healthy”  was written in Cyrillic by the doctor. Lana then gave us some background. Both boys had not been in the orphanage their whole lives but the court had terminated their mother’s rights and they had been placed there.  Lana then got on her cell phone to our agency contact in Kyiv and began bantering so fast in Russian I could not understand one word. I assume he was checking some other type of database to look further into the background of these 2 boys. I tapped Lana on the arm and asked, “What do you think?” since at this point, we are at her mercy and must trust our handlers. She replied “Da (yes), I think these are both good propositions”.  Gavin, Scott and I looked closer at each picture. One of the kids looked just like Gavin’s friend, Gage, from school. Super cute! He was a big kid, one that looked like he could hold his own in a wrestling match with Gavin.  The other boy had blonde hair and looked a bit sad in the tattered 2 X 2 picture that was attached to his file. We couldn’t see his body since his picture was only a head shot. Then Lana began having a somewhat heated discussion with Yenta.  I did not know what was going on.  Yenta brought another woman into the room, I assume was her boss.  This woman had a copy of our home study, stating exactly what type of child we were looking for.  She pointed to a sentence in Russian and English that said we wanted a boy from 6-7 years old. It turns out these boys were 7 and a few months so we could not adopt them since our paperwork was interpreted as “up to exactly 7 years old” and not a day over. What?!?!?!  Scott and I were dumbfounded. We assumed 6-7 meant if they were from 6 to  7 1/4, 7 ½, 7 3/4 years, etc. Voices were raised between the boss and Lana as Lana got on the phone again to our local agency contact in Kyiv. The boss went over to a computer and started madly typing something.  I tapped Lana’s arm and asked what is going on. She was talking to the boss at the same time she was on the phone and she looked at me sternly as if to say,” just be quiet and let me handle this.” I felt like a school child being reprimanded by my teacher…..…but I shut up. Pretty soon Lana took the two files away from us. “We cannot take these children,”  she said.  My heart sunk but I had purposefully not allowed myself to become attached to pictures or stories at this juncture.  Lana was still on the phone with our local contact when she asked Yenta  to pull up a file of a particular boy our local agency contact had found for us and had done some pre-screening on. A minute later  Yenta returned with a file of a boy who I will call “S”. He was healthy, smiling,  had big ears and skinny legs (just like Scott), looked fairly tall for his age and had a red mark on the side of his face and his knee was scuffed, like he had just been playing too rough outside (hopefully). His mother’s parental rights had been terminated by the court when he was 5 and he had been in the orphanage ever since; this includes one year “off the register” meaning he was available for adoption only to Ukrainians or family members, then he was “on the register” for about 1 year, meaning he could be adopted by anyone. This is almost the best timing scenario we had hoped to find. He has a sister who was also taken by the courts – she is 16 and is in a trade school program at an orphanage for older kids. Lana said this should not be a problem since they are so far away in age – sometimes when there are siblings, they ask you adopt both together. We are not even sure he knows he has a sister, but we will receive much more information at the orphanage. This boy was 7 and ½ years old…..would this also be a problem? Lana said “nyet” (no) and urged me quietly but firmly to take this referral (sometimes you just gotta go with faith and stop asking questions). He had not been seen by any other adoptive parents  (which was good, as opposed to have been seen by many and turned down) and I made sure they checked that the file was currently updated to ensure nobody else was on their way to see this child. Everything checked out so we took the referral. We would receive much more detailed information, medical records, etc. at the orphanage. The time was 1 pm exactly.

The plan is to travel tomorrow by overnight train to a region called Donetsk, which is in the Southeastern part of Ukraine near the Russian border and the Sea of Azov. The boy’s orphanage is in a very small town, 45 mins.  outside Donetsk. We will stay in an apartment with Lana in Donetsk and be driven in daily to see the boy for a few hours a day (all they allow). Lana said we will have to play with him alone, in a room, since they don’t want the other kids to see because it may “hurt their hearts” to know one child is getting adopted. We are able to see the entire orphanage, where he sleeps, eats, etc., but cannot play with him out in the open.   

We left the S.D.A. and asked Lana take us to an authentic Ukrainian restaurant to celebrate! We ended up going to a Moldovian restaurant which served Ukrainian food also. I had borscht (which Lana promises to give me her secret recipe for) and stuffed cabbage rolls.  Scott & Gavin had meat soup and Perogies. Gavin was starved and ate his Perogies so fast I barely saw them! Another reason Gavin likes traveling internationally is that it’s one of the few times we let him drink Coke since we can’t drink the water.  I forgot how hyper Gavin can get on Coke! He was very funny and made us all laugh during lunch!

Tomorrow we need to be ready by 3:30 PM for our trip to the train station. We have the rest of the day free, as our agency personnel are running around filing papers for us, etc. (I feel  so spoiled!). We will go sightseeing around Kyiv and try to learn as much about this child’s heritage and culture as we can.  We plan to hit a historic cathedral and cave monastery built over 1,000 years ago and the Chornobyl museum.

We can’t wait to get on the train!