TUESDAY, 30 NOVEMBER, 2010
Today our daily routine remained mostly the same; Get up around 7 am, have breakfast. Our driver picks us up around 8 and we head out to the orphanage to see “S” from 9-11 am. Get back in the car to be driven back to Donetsk by noon were we usually wander around and find a place to eat lunch out. Then go shopping for toys for “S” or walk around until 3:30 PM when the sun sets and it gets cold. We go in and Scott watches soccer on Ukrainian TV while sampling yet another Ukrainian beer, I blog, work on my Russian Rosetta Stone lessons or read, Gavin does his homework or plays video games. It’s a bummer we can’t Skype you guys in the evenings (our 8 PM is your 6 AM). Sometimes I cook but last night we got take-out from a great Ukrainian deli we discovered. Gavin had a “mystery breaded thing” that turned out to be a delicious type of Perogi (mashed potatoes and meat, breaded and fried). I had a beet salad and Scott ate a pork chop. Sometimes we’ll watch one of the videos we brought then go to bed (we’re getting TONS of sleep here since we don’t have all the projects/responsibilities, etc. we would have at home). We’re all asleep by 9 or 10.
The good news about today was that Dmytro was back from Kyiv to help us by translating at the orphanage and getting things moving with the paperwork. The bad news was that little “S” was a bit apprehensive when they asked him if he wanted to be adopted. One of the things we need, is “S” ‘s written and verbal agreement to be adopted by us. When we first arrive at the orphanage, we usually meet with “S” in the Asst. Director’s office then go off to play for a few hours in a play room. We’ve been having terrific times with him and it’s all fun, smiles and laughter in the play room! This morning we sat in the Asst. Dir.’s office and “S” entered, wearing a black suit over his flannel shirt and pressed black dress slacks. He looked so impressive! He also had on an oversized parka that didn’t zip up in front, which made him look smaller than he already is. He sat down next to me and we all exchanged “hellos”. Dmytro then asked “S” pointedly if he’d like to go with us to America. ”S” sat silently. I tried comforting him by rubbing his back intermittently (not sure if this comforts or bothers him since he doesn’t respond. He’s not cuddly, which is very common among kids in orphanages who have experienced neglect early in life). He didn’t answer Dmytro’s question right off. Instead he stared down at his hands. He held his black knit cap in his hands and nervously folded it over and over again into a perfect accordion pleat. “S,” gently stated Dmytro again. “Do you want to go to America with Dani, Scott and Gavin? You can have a mama, papa and brother,” said Dmytro in Russian. “But I already have a mama,” came a small voice from somewhere inside the layers of the jacket. “S" ’ s bio mother had come and visited him once at the previous orphanage he was in. Since then there’s been no contact. “But you understand that your mama abandoned you,” said Dmytro softy. “Da.” (Yes) answered “S”, as he kept nervously folding his cap and not making eye contact. “S,” Dmytro said to try and get his attention again, “Why don’t you want to go with Dani and Scott and be part of a family?” After a few moments of silence, “S” said quietly, “I don’t know.”
I tried to imagine the weight of this decision on those small shoulders. This kid’s been shuffled around, he’s confused because he finally feels at home at this orphanage. He had friends here and the caretakers are some of the warmest people I’ve met, (anywhere). He gets time to play, goes to school on the premises, has a warm bed at night……this is a good reality for him. Also, I think anyone would want to be back with their mama, regardless of how bad the situation was. Did he really understand what was going on back at age 5 when he was separated from his Mom? What a heavy decision to make at age 7. I wish there was some way for me to assuage his pain and fear but there was not. This child would need to learn to love slowly. He wasn’t even able to respond to my touch at this point.
One thing I observed during this tough interchange was his emotional intelligence. He acted a bit embarrassed to say "no" in front of us. It showed empathy. I took this as a positive sign. Furthermore, I think any child who would say yes right away and jump into our arms may only be bonding superficially and may never succeed in bonding fully. Of course I was nervous now, but tried to maintain a positive, objective perspective.
Dmytro decided not to press on with the questions. He decided to come back later this afternoon, talk with “S” again as well as some of his favorite caregivers, to see if they could help explain to him what was going on and help him understand this WAS a good decision. He may also confide some of his fears to the caregivers, so we may learn more about his apprehension. I decided to leave the little picture album of our home (with captions in Russian and English) with “S” so the caregivers could have an idea of who we are and read it to “S”. I wrote his name in Russian on the front cover and handed it to him.
As far as the people we’ve talked to are concerned, there is NO future here for this child. The Ukraine is a poor country (average annual salary is $2,700 US dollars). There is a HUGE disparity between the rich and poor. The people are very hard working but the country is still on rocky political footing and becoming a member of the EU is not an option yet. We were torn by knowing that taking him away is the right thing to do..…but would he agree?
We all left the office and little “S” lead us up to one of the play rooms in another building, for our 2 hour play period. We had another great time drawing (he draws cats VERY well), doing more dot-to-dots and playing soccer with some makeshift goals. “S” called Scott papa and me mama today during our play time. He continued to shove entire KitKat bars, along with other goodies, into the breast pocket of his oversized suit when we offered him candy. We wondered what he’d be trading these for later on the “black market” of the orphanage! The Asst. Director joined us for about an hour. She sat in the corner with a big smile and talked to “S” while we played, prodding him along and explaining how fun it would be to play with us every day. I brought a book with me, “Welcome Home Forever Child” which shows a family of cats who adopt a cat-child. They show the parent cats kissing the boy cat’s knee when he falls down and blowing out candles on his birthday cake. The Asst. Director quickly joined me on the floor and began interpreting the book to him. When we left he was all smiles and gave me the biggest hug of all! We love this kid!
No comments:
Post a Comment