MOM SHOWS UP AT COURT

Thursday March 24 - Friday March 25

Thursday was like any other day here. We ritualistically got up, drove to the orphanage, played with “S” for a few hours, were driven back, had lunch then went shopping at our favorite toy store for the next day’s treats. We also were taken on a tour of the city by a nice student we met at the local university. He’s studying here from Kyrgyzstan and insisted on taking us to the huge local soccer stadium once he heard that Scott plays soccer. It houses a very high tech museum and was very impressive since we don’t have soccer stadiums in the U.S.



Home of Doneskt's team, "Shaktar" (the miners).



Friday morning we hadn’t heard anything so we were anticipating a smooth court hearing that afternoon when we received a call from our agency .  Evidently “S”’s mother showed up at the local adoption administration yesterday asking for her son. She was told that her rights had been revoked by the court back in 2007 but that she was allowed to make an appearance at court on Friday! We were assured by our agency that all should work in our favor but there are never any guarantees.  Our agency also suggested possibly asking the judge to waive the 10 day waiting period, if the case is decided in our favor, so we could leave immediately. All of this news sent a chill up my spine – I certainly didn’t want to lose little “S”. But I also didn’t want to tear a family apart. I kept repeating in my head what a former Ukrainian D.A. (who now lives in the U.S.) told me about mother’s rights here. She said they are ONLY taken in extreme circumstances and the moms are given multiple times to “get it right” and properly care for their children.

So that morning we went to see little “S” and told him only Mama & Papa would go to the court today but we would be back to see him later. We found him along with all the other kids in his wing with their teacher, having a reading lesson in one of the playrooms (I LOVE his teacher! The kids are on holiday this week but she’s still having them read ;-)  We were quickly bombarded with kids, laughing at our terrible pronunciations of Russian words and trying to carry our bags for us. We got to see each child’s self portrait which were taped to a wall – I tried to take a picture of each child next to their drawing, which I will print and bring back on my next trip. We brought Hot Wheel cars, a helicopter toy and other boy stuff, but this time I also brought two “Little Kitty” bracelet/ring sets for the two darling girls in “S”’s wing. I love these little sweeties! When “S” saw what I had and I told him who they were for, he took them from me and insisted on giving them to each of the girls. This kid’s sense of generosity is endless! After a while, we decided to play with “S” alone in another playroom where we could pay more attention to just him and reiterate to him again how much we want him to be part of our family and love him. Our cell rang about an hour later and we were off to court with our agency contact/interpreter.

We arrived in the courthouse just as they were leading the case before us into the court room. I’m sure the small holding cage made of rebar on the side of the room was used for this case; they led the defendant in, handcuffed and accompanied by 2 very loud German Shepherds.  His case was open and shut in about 15 minutes……..we were next.  Upon entering the court room waiting area, I saw a woman sitting on one of the benches accompanied by two young men. Could this be the mom? After about 5 minutes, a single woman came in and sat down near our group. Maybe this was her? Yes, this was her because the inspector from the administration went over to talk to her.  She was a petite woman, mid-thirties, wearing skin tight jeans, black and purple tennis shoes, an older blue parka and a knit cap. Black curls snuck out from under her cap. She had piercing, ice-blue eyes, just like her daughter and same dainty facial features of “S” and his sister.  She was wearing heavy, pink, frosted lipstick and had some teeth missing in the front of her mouth.  She sat completely silent with a steely gaze, even though I tried a few times to make eye contact with her. Meanwhile, one of the jurors (the same two kind women as last time) had brought a snail with her in her purse! It was carefully wrapped in a little plastic container within a plastic bag. She told us she had an aquarium at home and that she had also brought a magnifying glass along too. She had brought these things for “S”, thinking he would be here today and might want to look at it while we waited.  I told her I thought it was very thoughtful and that either “S”, or my son Gavin, would have loved looking at the snail! We were all laughing about the snail when our case was called. We filed into the tiny courtroom, same cast as last time; the prosecutor, the two nice jury ladies, the orphanage representative, our translator/agency contact and the inspector from the local administration. Once again the judge had us confirm our paperwork and who we were. She then asked, “May S’s mother come in and make a statement?” “Da”, we said, “of course.”  In came S’s mom and sat down in the row behind us. The judge asked her to take the stand and tell the court why she is here. My heart was racing and my stomach being pulled upside down at this point. What is she going to say? What CAN she say?

Her voice belied her petite frame; it was harsh, low and coarse. She was very controlled in her speech and seemed confident, with hands held behind her back as she spoke. This was a hardened woman;  tough on the outside and in. It was difficult for me to get a read on her since she rarely made eye contact and I could not assess her speech pattern, grammar, etc. since all this was being interpreted to me. She basically stated she wanted S back and that she, the sister and S would live as a family. The judge then began her questioning; where will you live? (She lives with a boyfriend right now), where is S’s dad? (She doesn’t know, he was just a friend), you were in prison for 2 years for stealing and were released in 2007, why haven’t you gotten a job since then? (She said she cleans floors sometime but is paid under the table), on Monday your daughter told the court you drink a lot and don’t even look for a job, is this true? (Mom’s response; no, my daughter is a bad girl!). The judge and jury then went on to question her on other things like why she NEVER visited S once in the orphanage, why she is just coming to court NOW, even though she was advised of this back in December? (She had no answer). It was revealed in court that S, his sister, his mom and grandma (babushka) had always lived together (except for the 2 years mom was in prison). Mom’s rights were taken in 2007 and babushka was given rights to the children. When babushka got sick in 2009, court records show she came to the court crying, and stating she could no longer care for the kids due to her health. She was obviously very worried and wanted assurances her grandkids would be OK being turned over to the orphanage. The orphanage representative told us S cried a lot that day. Babushka subsequently passed away. I would like to find her grave someday and pay due respect to this caring woman. “Why didn’t you come forward at that point,” asked the judge, "and ask for your kids back?” ("Because it was easier to leave them in the orphanage," she replied). Our interpreter said some of her testimony didn’t make sense and parts of it were outright lies. Halfway through the hearing, the judge stated it is unlawful to lie in court. At times, I saw the two jury ladies shake their heads and snicker to themselves at some of her answers. At one point she said she had wanted to take the kids from babushka but they were off at summer camp (our interpreter said this is a bald faced lie since there is no way she could have afforded summer camp). The judge sighed at times, and shook her head, also seemingly frustrated with her testimony.

 After this, the judge went on to read our ENTIRE home study (it took 2 hours). We think she did this for the benefit of the mother to allow her to learn about us and what we can provide S. The prosecutor had all but given up, and had no questions for us. Instead she had created an entire page of detailed doodles in her notepad over the last few hours.

The judge then asked us a question we were not prepared for. “Would you like to say anything to the mother?” We were caught off guard, so I said exactly how I felt and also tried to be objective. “We certainly are not here to rip families apart,” I began, “but I do believe, given the circumstances, we can provide a better home for S. We love him very much and will provide him with things like a college education. We would be happy to send pictures to her.” I felt so awkward. There was so much more to say, but I tried to keep it short and sweet as we had been advised to do. In hindsight, I wish I would have said more about how we really love this little boy, his personality, how famously he gets along with our son, etc. I turned and looked at the mom, but she again averted her gaze.

 Finally, the judge stated she would retire to her chambers to deliberate with the two jury ladies. We all sat in silence in the court room, mom sitting motionless, just a few feet behind us, staring straight ahead and not showing any emotion. 

After about 20 minutes, the judge reappeared and ruled in our favor! Even the prosecutor was supportive of us! Our translator hugged me and let out a small “yay!” with a big smile. I hugged her back but felt it was not kosher to show too much emotion. It was actually a very bittersweet moment for us. The judge then said there WOULD be a 10 day appeal period during which time anyone could appeal her decision. Court adjourned. It was 5 pm.

I quickly turned and made eye contact with the mom. I wanted to give her some final assurance her son would be in good hands. But she simply turned, walked out the door and was gone.

During the train ride that night to Kyiv, I asked our interpreter what would be the mom’s motivation to come forward now and ask for her kid back? Was it money? Or was it genuine? Our interpreter very astutely stated this is by far, the BEST situation for little S’s life and we need to look forward, not back. She felt the mom was simply uneducated and was given bad advice by someone to come forward now. She also felt that during the testimony, her lies were so blatant that she simply didn’t have even enough education to understand what was being asked in court. She also said if she was really interested in S, she would have approached us directly, with some emotion and would have tried to start a dialogue with us. She would have visited him in the orphanage, etc. I’ll have to agree, her behavior was not what I expected.

We now move on from this into the 10 day waiting period. I’m still not celebrating until this period is over. We will return to the U.S. on Sunday after taking care of some business in Kyiv, then I will return again, after the 10 day period is over. We desperately miss our Gavin! We are so sad little S has to go through yet another separation and more waiting time but we were assured our friends at the orphanage are taking special care of him for us.

Das-vi-dan-ya (goodbye) until trip #3!



"WE NEED LOTS OF THIS!"
(Donetsk is an industrial city with many mines and steel factories. These pictures were taken in a steel sculpture garden.)




Holy mackrel! Is this what the miners do in their spare time?



Hopefully justice has been served in our case (as soon as Scott gains some weight!!)

In some respects, removing Excalibur was easier than our adoption case.

Our favorite Ukrainian restaurant in Donetsk!



Scott and his quail egg salad.



Gavin, I'm making these for you and S for breakfast....traditional apple crepes!!