Coming Home!

 

18 DECEMBER 2010

Hello All;

We just arrived home today after a 52-hour trip back to the States and I haven't had Internet access for a while. We are not coming home with our son so we are disappointed but still hopeful. On Thursday Parliament postponed discussion of the foreign adoption moratorium until next week. Based on this and other factors, we will be coming back to the Ukraine in a few months.

We visited “S” continuously for 21 days while we were here and gave him a big Christmas gift before we left on Thursday. Saying goodbye to him left our hearts heavy.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.  Email me personally for more information.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

This is a picture of the Opera and Ballet Theater about 1 block away from our flat. Taken yesterday at 4:30 pm.

Nothing much has changed with our daily routine, so I haven't been blogging. We are anxiously awaiting the vote by Parliament on Thursday regarding the possible moratorium on adoptions which will help elucidate our path.

It's been snowing lately which has lengthened our daily trip to the orphanage to about 1 hour each way. It's amazing how gridlocked this country becomes with snow - all the trucks pull over and line up along on the side of the road, waiting for it to be either plowed or improve. We saw one jack-knifed truck which has been sitting off the road for 2 days now.   

We have been having GREAT visits with "S"! He's always happy to see us, doesn't really want to clean up when it's time to go but always runs back to his classroom with a smile on his face when we leave. We are getting more and more used to each other and there is no doubt we're bonding just fine! Scott found some great shoes and thick wool socks for him the other day. His current shoes are worn and always fee a bit damp inside and his socks had holes in them. We brought them today and he tried them on but did not want to wear the shoes. I've read about this with orphaned kids; they are used to wearing hand-me-down clothes so aren't used to stiff shoes, tags etc. When I bring clothes for our next trip, I need to remove all tags. Also some orphaned kids have "sensory integration disorder", meaning their brains take more time to process sensory information due to neglect. This is why when we finally get home, we cannot take him out, to say, Chucky Cheese right away.......let  alone somewhere like Disneyland! These kids just melt down because they can't process all the new sensory information coming in. They eventually build new neural pathways though. This is why we'll probably be keeping him around the house only for the first month or two.

We love Sundays at the orphanage! There is no school so we get to play with "S" and all of his friends -- it's crazy! We just adore being with all the screaming kids! Last Sunday we brought juice boxes, snacks and the movie "Jumanji" to play on the laptop. I tried to create a "movie day" for the kids, just like our movie nights at home. I tried finding microwave popcorn but it doesn't exist in any store here. Instead I brought chips, cookies, tangerines and bananas. The kids went nuts when I opened the chips....I watched as one little boy grabbed a handful and stashed it under a reclining chair to hide it from the others, then he would reach under and eat his treasure slowly. The kids all seem very happy and love their teachers (who supervise them on the weekends). They all ran off with our cameras/cell phones again and the first people they photographed were their teachers (2 nice young women in their 20's). All the kids constantly came up to us and ask if they could keep various toys we brought (some are very good with the "puppy eyes"). I had to say no to make it fair, but ended up giving each kid a crayon and 1 page from the Shrek coloring book. My little Roma girl was there too-  she wasn't really into watching the movie but instead grabbed my Russian/English flashcards and motioned me to teach her English. I was amazed at her initiative. She repeated each word after me with her cute accent. She's the one who also loves cats and begged to keep the cat doodle pad we played with last time. Unfortunately I couldn't do this - it just killed me to say no! I finally caved and snuck her 2 of my finger puppets she had been playing with (Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf). I indicated I wanted her to hide these since toys get taken away from the kids (understandably, since there is no way the small staff could keep track of individual possessions). We snuck into her dorm-style bedroom to her cabinet near her bed where the kids have their tooth brushes and one personal item (remember "S" 's stuffed animal he kicked around the room?). In her cabinet was a cute, red, little-girl purse with gold trim. I motioned to her we could hide the 2 puppets in there. She eagerly opened the snap and pulled out a bunch of carefully folded pieces of paper with writing on them, placed the puppets in the purse, then replaced the papers on top. I wonder what the papers said? She also took a Wet Wipe from me I had used on her hands, folded it up and wanted to keep it too! I said "No - garbage". It's so sad what these kids value. I pray she finds a home someday.

Ukrainians like to use a variety of diminutives for their kids. Those of you who know me well, know all the pet names I have for Gavin - my sister-in-law, Suzanne makes fun of me for this (huh Bryan & Sasha?). Well my behavior hasn't stopped. I first began calling "S", "my angel" (moy an-gil) , then "my sunshine". Then I read some other pet names somewhere and began using those (my rabbit, my little pigeon, my crumb). This got me some weird looks from "S" and laughs when I used them in front of the orphanage Asst. Director. I guess these 3 names are reserved only for spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends. OK, now I know!

Today we brought glow sticks to our play date with "S". They were a HUGE hit as he had never seen them before. We made a fort out of blankets and tables/chairs in the playroom and had a ball with the glow sticks. Scott spotted a mouse running across the floor, then up under the slip cover of a chair while we were playing. Everybody watched as I carefully tippy-toed across the room to the chair to lift off the slip-cover to see if I could reveal the mouse. "S" yelled out, "Mama is a cat!" in Russian. Scott & Gavin were very happy since they were immediately able to translate what he said (No......I did not find the mouse). Today we noticed "S" is calling me "Mom" now, copying Gavin, instead of calling me "Mama" as he did last week.  I get sick to my stomach each time I think that we may have to leave this cutie over here longer than we want to. We're still keeping the faith that everything works in our favor to get him home! 

We're slowly becoming less apparent as expats around here. I was pleased to be presented with a frequent buyer cards at our favorite bakery and grocery store (fridges are small here, so we go there all the time). Many of the locals we've gotten to know here are very kind, once you break through the stony exterior. Nobody makes eye contact or smiles on the street, even if you smile at them. I've also noticed Ukrainians are extremely well dressed people. Even in this snowy, icy weather, you'll still see most women wearing 2 inch spiked-heeled boots (no wonder they don't smile!). (Hi David, I stole this line from you! ). Once they find out we are from California, most of them ask if Arnold is still Governator. I then have to explain what being a "lame duck" is and Jerry Brown.

Gotta go! Tonight we are downloading some Christmas caroles on iTunes to play during dinner. We miss everyone back home!

FROM GAVIN TO HIS FRIENDS

Gavin knows some of his friends are reading our blog so he wanted me to relay some information.

We are all missing the Chrirstmas decorations going up back home. Here in Donetsk they are decorating too, but the lights are just now being put up. Here, they celebrate Eastern Orthodox Christmas on January 7.  They celebrate on this day since this is the first day the Wise Men arrived to give Jesus gifts (thank you Dr. Govers for educating me on this;-)). Here Santa (known as Grandfather Frost) wears a long, red robe and gives gifts with the help of his granddaughter, who wears a light blue dress with white trim. Here is a picture of them:

 

Christmas Eve is called ‘Sviaty Vechir’ (Holy Evening). Generous amounts of tasty foods are usualy prepared for dinner and there needs to be at least 12 different foods on the table. A traditional food is ‘Kutia’ --  prepared from cooked wheat and a special syrup containing diluted honey, grated poppy seeds, raisins and sometimes walnuts (I'm definitely getting the recipe for this one!).

They are erecting a huge Christmas tree in the town square here. They've been working on it daily for 1 week, sticking real limbs into a metal base that's about  40 feet tall. We hope it's done soon so we can go take a picture next to it.

The similarities to back home is that EVERYTHING is on sale! The stores are trying their best to get in the black this year here as well! The big toy store we found where we buy "S" most of his toys is getting more and more packed and had a 25% off sale yesterday.

Another thing Gavin wanted me to say is he will be making a list of soccer terms in Russian so all the kids on our block(s) will understand little "S" when he gets home and can play soccer with him. Here's an example:

Ball = Myech
Goal = Gol
Pass to me =    Mney!
Corner Kick = Kor-nir
Shot/Hit/Kick = U-dar

We miss all of you back home!

Jingle All The Way,
Gavin, Dani & Scott

STILL HAVING FUN WITH "S"

MONDAY-WEDNESDAY, 6-8 DECEMBER 2010



This is the toilet in the orphanage and also represents most public toilets you'll come across here. No toilet paper, soap or hot water. For families coming after us don't forget lots of small packs of disposable Wet Ones and Kleenexes!

I'm not blogging a lot these days since our routine has remained much the same as we wait for word from our interpreter/contact. He works on our case here with the beauracrats, to get things moving, then goes back to Kyiv to work on other cases while we're waiting for things to happen. He returns about once a week for 1-2 days. Things move VERY SLOW here. We're mostly on our own but we don't mind! We visit "S" daily and with each visit we are getting closer. We love this kid more and more and he gives us harder hugs each time before we leave. Today he gave us 2 hugs a piece! We can also tell he has a good sense of humor. We get a great work out each morning since he never wants to stop playing soccer. Today we also had a tickle fight then everybody decided to dog pile on me! He's still eating like a monster - today we brought a special treat..a cherry pie from McDonalds. It was gone within 5 seconds along with the 2 tangerines, a cup of yogurt, a juice box and some potato chips (bacon flavor are the most popular here..hey don't knock em until you've tried em!). I also found a hacky sack yesterday at a tiny store I discovered just by chance. This kid's an expert dribbler but had never seen a hacky sack before. Had to show him how to use it. We also taught him "Duck, Duck Goose" today. Since I didn't know the word for Goose, it became "Duck, Duck, Parrot". He picked up on it immediately then wouldn't stop playing. We also played Freeze Tag which I think he has played before. He's fascinated by anything electronic and begged and begged me for the small calculator I carry in my purse. I had to say no but told him we'd buy one and bring it to him tomorrow.

Even though he sure plays dirty soccer, we also have to remember how fragile he is. Today he crashed into a chair at the orphanage when we were playing soccer. I knew he was hurt since he was holding his head and not moving but did not cry. I tried to comfort him but he waved me away. When we FINALLY get home with this guy, you'll notice me making a big deal over every single scraped knee, twisted ankle or bruise he receives - it's part of bonding with him and showing him how much we care and that we'll always be there for him. Many kids in orphanages don't cry when they need something...since crying doesn't get them anywhere due to the high ratio of kids to caregivers. They have learned not to cry. So we have to TEACH him that we care about him and will protect him.

GOOD WEEKEND!

SAT & SUN, 4 & 5 DECEMBER, 2010

This weekend we visited “S” both days. Weekends are much different than the regimented weekdays we’ve observed at the orphanage.  Upon checking in at the office, we were told to head up to his room on the3rd  floor of one of the buildings. We entered his half of the floor and were met with 12-15 smiling faces! Many kids were taking showers and running in and out of the bathrooms with wet hair. “S” finished his shower and came running into the room where we were waiting for him and gave us all a big hug! His hair was still wet – all the boys here have the same very short buzz cut (I’m hoping they let “S” ‘s hair grow out a bit since he’s going to be adopted). I felt his feet and his socks were wet and cold. I took off my socks (my favorite Golden Retriever socks, mind you) and put them on his feet then rubbed them until they were warm. We also brought him a new warm jacket. The zipper doesn’t work on his current jacket and when we go outside and he holds our hands, his jacket flies open, letting in the bitter cold wind. He seemed pleased with the jacket but more excited about the other things we brought; a new plastic ball to play soccer, our portable DVD player with a kids’ movie, a “Wax Tap” calendar (the local soccer team from Donetsk), a Shrek coloring book and some foam airplanes. We went through the Wax Tap calendar and looked at the players month by month, as I explained this would go up in his new room in America. As he began playing with the toys, a few of the other kids hesitantly milled around the open door to the playroom. I motioned them to come on in and play and they did. They loved all the toys and quickly dove into the big black sack I carried everything in.  “S” was so generous, sharing candy with all his friends and showing them all the toys. The big hit of the day was the camera and our cell phones. First “S” grabbed our Canon and went around taking pictures of all his friends, then he showed them Scott’s cell phone and how it takes pictures. Everyone wanted in on this  so one by one we let each child take a picture with the phone.

There were only 3 girls on “S” ‘s floor that we saw. Overall, there are fewer girls up for adoption in Ukraine than boys. One of the girls had beautiful red hair (which is prized in Russian/Ukraine) and the other girl looked to be of “Roma” origin (Romania, Bulgaria, etc). I’ve read that kids of “Roma” origin sometimes are not given as much attention at orphanages than other children since they are thought to be of “gypsy” origin.  I was drawn to this darker girl. She seemed shy yet kept peering into the playroom where we were, from behind the door. I tried offering her a candy but she said no. Finally, with some coaxing, she acquiesced and said “spa-si-ba”. I motioned her to come play but again she said no. So I picked up an extra coloring book we had and a few crayons and went into the room she was in. She was elated about coloring and chose to color a unicorn. I then brought in 2 kids’ doodle pads, one of how to draw cats and one of a dogs. She chose the cat one so I tore out a few pages of the instructions and gave her some blank sketch paper for her to keep, along with the coloring book and crayons. Her face lit up! She was able to follow the steps for drawing the cat perfectly and stayed exactly in the lines with the coloring book. As we were leaving, she was the only kid who was on the ground with me cleaning up. What a sweetie - I want to take her home too!

We are trying to cut down on all the candy we bring to the orphanage so this weekend we decided to bring grapes, bananas and tangerines. I cannot get over how much “S” eats! He immediately wolfed down a huge banana then half of the one I was eating, a tangerine followed by about 20 grapes. He loves Scott’s fiber bars and rifles through our backpack for them immediately upon arrival. He still hordes all the candy we give him in his pockets.

We now know why “S” stated earlier he was scared of Gavin’s size. Scott witnessed one of the bigger boys pummeling one of the smaller boys in the head to get him to give up a balloon. The smaller kid quickly gave it to him, then they went back to playing together. Aside from this incident, I’m amazed with the manners, positive attitude and aptitudes these kids have! I have not seen any children with any of the physical signs of fetal alcohol syndrome I read so much about here.  This is one of the better orphanages in that all kids (who are older than 7) go to school on the premises and the people who run this particular orphanage seem to be extremely dedicated to these children. During the weekdays, it’s so quiet here….…all the kids are in class and it’s hard to believe there are at least 100 kids here since we hear and see nothing as we walk from building to building to take “S” to and from the playroom.  When we do see kids, it’s in the lobby of the office building, if they are going to and from class or lunch. They always are smiling and say “Ciao” to us. When I’ve offered them a piece of candy, I always hear “spa-si-ba!” (Thank you!). I’m sure they are thinking, “Why “S” and why not me?” I hope they understand it is nothing against them. It’s just fate we were presented with “S” and that he is a perfect fit for our family! I hope a time will come for each of them when they can have a mama and papa of their own.

If any of you reading this are considering adopting, David Avilla, our facilitator, is highly recommended. Even if you are NOT considering adopting or are not sure, David’s main business is running a hosting program over the summer for Ukrainian orphans. He always needs host families. The kids come to the Bay Area for 2-3 weeks and attend a “summer camp” type program during the day.  Check out his website on my right sidebar.

Tonight we went out to our favorite Ukrainian restaurant (called “Three Fat Guys”) and saw “Chronicles of Narnia”, as part of our Russian language immersion program ;-). It was fun but we always comment how much MORE fun it would be with little “S”.



 

GLIMMER OF HOPE

FRIDAY, 3 DECEMBER, 2010.

Today we've overcome some obstacles but more still loom on the horizon. We're not at liberty to discuss the details at this point. Our return date is now most likely Dec. 17-18.

Today was our best bonding day ever with "S".  He spontaneously began using the English word "pass" (as in "pass the ball to me") in our game of soccer in the playroom. Today he drew, painted and read a few pages out of his Ukrainian school book to us today. Although he speaks Russian, he reads Ukrainian. From my perspective, he reads very fast for a 7 year old. Our interpreter confirmed he reads very well also.
Thankfully my friend Val got me some Ukrainian tapes (thanks Val!) so I am a bit familiar with the language and could understand some of what he was saying. We've all been learning Russian, since that is the language that is most widely understood here. But the closer you go to the west side of the country (away from the border with Russia) Ukrainian predominates and some people don't appreciate you speaking Russian at all! An article in a local paper I was reading today, was about how Ukraine is starting a movement to have Ukrainian be accepted as the national language versus Russian (many still despise the years of Soviet occupation).

It seemed like "S" really opened up to us today. We're all getting more comfortable with each other. Maybe a weight had been lifted from his shoulders since he made the decision to go with us.

SNOW DAY, SAD DAY

THURSDAY, 2 DECEMBER, 2010.

Gav, looking out our kitchen window at the snow.

It snowed today in Donetsk. We learned of some major setbacks today also. Our hearts are still warm for "S" though, and we all keep his well being in the forefront of our minds. Bringing him home is our objective. We will not give up.

Today, I'm reminded of an old Ukrainian proverb which states, "Things will get better......somehow."
Hope this is true.

MAJOR PROGRESS!

WEDNESDAY,  1 DECEMBER, 2010

Evidently things went OK yesterday afternoon for Dmytro’s second visit. This morning we were picked up and taken to the Inspector’s office (the person who handles the paperwork on the orphanage side). We picked up the Inspector in our car and all of drove to the orphanage. We were seated in the Asst. Director’s office. “S” entered wearing the same oversized black suit, especially for us. He had been crying but stopped upon entering the room. We offered him a Kleenex. After blowing his nose, one of the caregivers came in and sat “S” on her lap. She was very animated and spoke to “S” in fast Russian, translating some of what she was saying for us. She said he has a best friend, Nichols, at the orphanage, he likes to write and draw, he LOVES football (soccer) – we nodded our heads approvingly- and especially loves a certain player named Andryis. I chimed in, “Andryis Shevchenko?”  “Da, da!” was the emphatic reply from those in the room. I had been reading about this Ukrainian soccer superstar in a local Ukraine/English magazine I purchased last week. He’s the captain of the Ukraine soccer team and a studly player who hopes to lead the team to a win in 2012 when Ukraine sponsors EURO 2012, the Super bowl of European Soccer, in preparation for the World Cup (he’s also very cute which is why I spent so much time on the article ;-). 

 The irony of this is yesterday, we were out for dinner, discussing what American name to give little “S” (his real name would be too hard to pronounce back home). I suggested many names which Gavin and Scott quickly dissed. When I said “Andy” and told them about the cute soccer superstar I read about, we instantly all agreed to this name! What a coincidence that little “S” actually worships this guy! Anyway, the caretaker’s questioning continued as she slowly worked in questions about living in the US and if he would like it – would he like to have pets? (he LOVES parrots! Thank God for Chucky). Would he like to have a mama, papa and brother?  Slowly I think “S” was coming around.  He did mention that Gavin was BIG and that he was scared of him (although we never saw any evidence of this when we were playing. In fact, little “S” liked to throw the ball at Gavin’s legs as hard as he could – Gavin did nothing but laugh. Gavin’s also been very good about showing him how to use the I-Pod and praising him when he pushed the right button). Scott and I think this fear may come from him being bullied by bigger kids in the orphanage. I had Dmytro translate to him, “Gavin will never hurt you at all! He will never be mean to you. He will ONLY protect you.” He seemed to understand and acknowledge this. He then must have agreed to be adopted by us since they walked him over to the other side of the desk and showed him a piece of paper with some writing on it. He was asked to copy the statement written on the paper. He wrote the statement carefully in beautiful Ukrainian handwriting (even though he speaks Russian) then signed it. We then all went off to the playroom for some fun time! As we were walking to the playroom, a group of darling, smiling boys, all dressed up for school, said hi to us in English. One boy stopped,  grabbed  “S ‘ s ” arm,  whispered something in his ear and looked at us. I would have paid good money to know what he said! Maybe “S” WAS now a source of black market Skittles and M& Ms.....   

We played for only 30 minutes since we needed to return to Donetsk to have some documents notarized. We had the afternoon off again so we hit the local McDonalds and fed some pigeons our leftover fries. Today wasn’t  the day to be outside since it was 18 F, so we went back to our apt. and relaxed. We were all happy about the outcome of our day.

There is one more hurdle to cross in this journey, which Dmytro is working on this afternoon.  “S” has a sister who is 16 years old in another orphanage. She’s in a school where she’s learning a trade and I believe will be emancipated next year. We’re not being given too much information on her relationship with “S”, but we DO know that “S” does not even know her name. Still, she needs to give her consent to this adoption also.  Details are still sketchy so stay tuned.

N.B.,

At 7:30 tonight we received a phone call from Dmytro. He has received verbal approval from the sister!  He said she was crying on the phone but DID agree to allow “S” to be adopted. I wish there was more we could do for her.  Who knows……she may have helped raise “S”. We’re just not set up to adopt at 16-year-old too. I will put my thinking cap on; there’s got to be something we can do to help her as well. 

ONE STEP FORWARD, TWO STEPS BACK

TUESDAY,   30 NOVEMBER, 2010

Today our daily routine remained mostly the same; Get up around 7 am, have breakfast. Our driver picks us up around 8 and we head out to the orphanage to see “S” from 9-11 am. Get back in the car to be driven back to Donetsk by noon were we usually wander around and find a place to eat lunch out. Then go shopping for toys for “S” or walk around until 3:30 PM when the sun sets and it gets cold. We go in and Scott watches soccer on Ukrainian TV while sampling yet another Ukrainian beer, I blog, work on my Russian Rosetta Stone lessons or read, Gavin does his homework or plays video games. It’s a bummer we can’t Skype you guys in the evenings (our 8 PM is your 6 AM). Sometimes I cook but last night we got take-out from a great Ukrainian deli we discovered. Gavin had a “mystery breaded thing” that turned out to be a delicious type of Perogi (mashed potatoes and meat, breaded and fried). I had a beet salad and Scott ate a pork chop. Sometimes we’ll watch one of the videos we brought then go to bed (we’re getting TONS of sleep here since we don’t have all the projects/responsibilities, etc. we would have at home). We’re all asleep by 9 or 10.

The good news about today was that Dmytro was back from Kyiv to help us by translating at the orphanage and getting things moving with the paperwork. The bad news was that little “S” was a bit apprehensive when they asked him if he wanted to be adopted. One of the things we need, is “S” ‘s written and verbal agreement to be adopted by us.  When we first arrive at the orphanage, we usually meet with “S” in the Asst. Director’s office then go off to play for a few hours in a play room. We’ve been having terrific times with him and it’s all fun, smiles and laughter in the play room! This morning we sat in the Asst. Dir.’s office and “S” entered, wearing a black suit over his flannel shirt and pressed black dress slacks. He looked so impressive! He also had on an oversized parka that didn’t zip up in front, which made him look smaller than he already is.  He sat down next to me and we all exchanged “hellos”.  Dmytro then asked “S” pointedly if he’d like to go with us to America. ”S” sat silently.  I tried comforting him by rubbing his back intermittently (not sure if this comforts or bothers him since he doesn’t respond. He’s not cuddly, which is very common among kids in orphanages who have experienced neglect early in life). He didn’t answer Dmytro’s question right off. Instead he stared down at his hands. He held his black knit cap in his hands and nervously folded it over and over again into a perfect accordion pleat. “S,” gently stated Dmytro again. “Do you want to go to America with Dani, Scott and Gavin? You can have a mama, papa and brother,” said Dmytro in Russian. “But I already have a mama,” came a small voice from somewhere inside the layers of the jacket.  “S" ’ s bio mother had come and visited him once at the previous orphanage he was in. Since then there’s been no contact. “But you understand that your mama abandoned you,” said Dmytro softy. “Da.” (Yes) answered “S”, as he kept nervously folding his cap and not making eye contact. “S,” Dmytro said to try and get his attention again, “Why don’t you want to go with Dani and Scott and be part of a family?” After a few moments of silence, “S” said quietly, “I don’t know.”

I tried to imagine the weight of this decision on those small shoulders. This kid’s been shuffled around, he’s confused because he finally feels at home at this orphanage. He had friends here and the caretakers are some of the warmest people I’ve met, (anywhere).  He gets time to play, goes to school on the premises, has a warm bed at night……this is a good reality for him. Also, I think anyone would want to be back with their mama, regardless of how bad the situation was. Did he really understand what was going on back at age 5 when he was separated from his Mom? What a heavy decision to make at age 7. I wish there was some way for me to assuage his pain and fear but there was not. This child would need to learn to love slowly. He wasn’t even able to respond to my touch at this point.

One thing I observed during this tough interchange was his emotional intelligence. He acted a bit embarrassed to say "no" in front of us. It showed empathy. I took this as a positive sign. Furthermore, I think any child who would say yes right away and jump into our arms may only be bonding superficially and may never succeed in bonding fully.  Of course I was nervous now, but tried to maintain a positive, objective perspective.

Dmytro decided not to press on with the questions. He decided to come back later this afternoon, talk with “S” again as well as some of his favorite caregivers, to see if they could help explain to him what was going on and help him understand this WAS a good decision. He may also confide some of his fears to the caregivers, so we may learn more about his apprehension.  I decided to leave the little picture album of our home (with captions in Russian and English) with “S” so the caregivers could have an idea of who we are and read it to “S”.  I wrote his name in Russian on the front cover and handed it to him.

 As far as the people we’ve talked to are concerned, there is NO future here for this child. The Ukraine is a poor country (average annual salary is $2,700 US dollars). There is a HUGE disparity between the rich and poor.  The people are very hard working but the country is still on rocky political footing and becoming a member of the EU is not an option yet.  We were torn by knowing that taking him away is the right thing to do..…but would he agree? 

We all left the office and little “S” lead us up to one of the play rooms in another building, for our 2 hour play period.  We had another great time drawing (he draws cats VERY well), doing more dot-to-dots and playing soccer with some makeshift goals. “S” called Scott papa and me mama today during our play time. He continued to shove entire KitKat bars, along with other goodies, into the breast pocket of his oversized suit when we offered him candy. We wondered what he’d be trading these for later on the “black market” of the orphanage!  The Asst. Director joined us for about  an hour. She sat in the corner with a big smile and talked to “S” while we played, prodding him along and explaining how fun it would be to play with us every day. I brought a book with me, “Welcome Home Forever Child” which shows a family of cats who adopt a cat-child. They show the parent cats kissing the boy cat’s knee when he falls down and blowing out candles on his birthday cake. The Asst. Director quickly joined me on the floor and began interpreting the book to him. When we left he was all smiles and gave me the biggest hug of all! We love this kid!  

BONDING CONTINUES

SAT/SUN 27 & 28 NOVEMBER, 2010

We’ve now visited “S”  three times (2 hours each) and believe we’re well on our way to bonding with him. Our drive to the orphanage from Donetsk is pretty when the sun is out and takes about 30-45 mins, each way. The primary industries in this area are mining, steel mills and farming (I believe the peaks in the distance in this picture are mine tailings). The soil is very fertile, almost black in color, giving Ukraine its moniker as the  “bread basket of Europe.”

On the second day, the orphanage director lead us into a play room in “S” ’s dormitory . First we entered an area where there were lots of other children and were met with multiple voices yelling “ciao!” I guess they thought we were Italian, since many Italian families adopt from Ukraine. I said “ciao” back then “privet” (“hi” in Russian) then “Hello.  American” (pointing to myself) . They all seemed to understand and some then said “hello”.

“S” continues to amaze us with his athletic prowess, technophilia and overall intelligence. He is a great soccer player and constantly wants to kick around an inflatable globe we brought with us. He out-dribbles Gavin (don’t tell him I said this) and Scott has been the recipient of many hard shots to the head. Even though he’s small, he’ll be the secret weapon of any soccer team with his ability to get around people with his fancy footwork. Today we brought balloons and played keep away from Gavin. I’m so glad we had some fun kid’s games loaded on the I-Pod (thank you Justin!!). “S” just can’t get enough of them. Scott and I were flabbergasted when he was able to do the rollercoaster game PERFECT the first time (I can’t even do it) and reached level 2 in BrickBraker in about 5 minutes. He loves the Ninja Fruit game the most and Angry Birds second. He’s also an astute photographer! He asks for Scott’s phone or our Canon SLR camera to take pictures. We taught him how to focus the lens and look at previous shots.  He tried running off with our camera and taking shots of his friends in the other room (and was able to take a quick shot of another cute little boy before we could catch him). Today we were able to see the room where he sleeps along with 7 other kids. Below is a picture of his shelf in a small cabinet next to his bed. In his cabinet are all his worldly possessions; toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and one small stuffed animal that he promptly removed and proceeded to kick around the room like a soccer ball.  There are no possessions at the orphanage, as it would make caring for all these kids too difficult. It’s ironic they are given nothing but have so much inside to give.

Another thing we did today was to show him the food flash cards I brought and ask him if he likes the food shown, as we receited each word in Russian. Gavin marked each card he liked with a star so we can buy appropriate food for him when he gets home. He told us he loves fruit, cereal, and bread but would furrow his brow at cards of food he’s never seen before (like eggplant).  He picks up on things extremely fast – it blows me away since we have a language barrier. The Google Translator comes in VERY handy when we are looking for a word we can’t find on our “Mommy Russian” handouts.  Aside from kicking the soccer ball, he also has the ability to concentrate and focus when required; yesterday he did a connect-the-dots but started at 28 and counted backwards to 1. He then went forward from 28 to 100!! HE taught us all the numbers since we can only reliably count to 3 in Russian! We always bring him some candy and he’s now looking for it in my bag each time we arrive. The first day we opened a pack of Starbursts and he filled his pocket with ½ the pack right away. This is hording behavior so common in orphanages. I want to show him he doesn’t need to do this around us, that there will always be enough; on the other hand I don’t want to load him up with sugar! Speaking of sugar, many his teeth are brown – luckily we have great dental insurance since he has about a $10K mouth! Needless to say we are already in love with this kid and will do whatever it takes to bring him home where he belongs. Tomorrow we will be dealing with more paperwork and beginning to surmount a few hurdles that are still in our way. Every day we leave the orphanage energized, but missing him. I’m always sure to say “Until tomorrow” when we leave so he knows we’re coming back.  

Our agency handlers are taking good care of us here in Donetsk. Dmytro gave us a short tour of the city showing us where a few restaurants, grocery stores and coffee shops were, then left for a few days to work on paperwork back in Kyiv. We go see “S” from 10 am -12 pm each day. We’re back around 12:45, and then usually go out for lunch. We love wandering around this smaller city where there are NO tourists (especially Americans who we usually try to avoid when abroad). Dmytro told us a funny story a few days ago about dumb Americans.  He prefaced it by saying he would have never believed it had it not actually happened to him. One day he was driving some people around Donetsk and they passed the statue below.

One of the Americans asked, “Who is that statue of?” He replied, “Lenin”. The American stated, “John Lenin?” How embarrassing! Did this person sleep through their history and economics classes in high school?!?! 

We went to see Harry Potter last night, completely dubbed in Russian.  I wanted Gavin to experience what “S” will be feeling once we got him home……being immersed in a language that is foreign.  I was surprised how well I could follow the movie (the ending was disappointing but I guess expected).

Last night we finally celebrated Thanksgiving, three days late. I brought Stove Top Stuffing, turkey gravy and ingredients for a pumpkin pie with me, anticipating this. Unfortunately, our oven doesn’t work so I couldn’t make the pie. Turkey is not usually consumed in Ukraine and the woman in the grocery store told me buying turkey is “no good”. So we had ham and it was great (Ukrainians eat a ton of pork)! We set up one of the computers on the table and played an electronic Thanksgiving card Gigi sent me (thanks Gigi!!!!)  to set the mood.

"S"  's artwork already up on the fridge in our flat.

"S" loves taking pictures out the windows and captured this bird. He must look out the windows a lot.

MEETING "S"

FRIDAY, 26 NOVEMBER, 2010.

We arrived in Donetsk at 7 am to heavy fog and our friendly driver, Andriy. As he loaded our luggage into the car, I tried looking around….this is where our new son is from, I had to see it and soak in as much as possible! But to no avail, the fog was so thick you could only see a few feet beyond the side of the road.  It reminded me of the tule fog in Davis in the winter, when you can’t drive over 25 miles per hour on the country roads. Our first stop was the “Inspector’s” office to have our paperwork checked before going to the orphanage.  This office was near the orphanage which was about 30 minutes out of town, in the middle of farmland.

Upon arriving at the Inspector’s office, we had to show our passports. Dymtro discussed the case with the Inspector and then we were off to the orphanage.  On the way to the orphanage, we were told not to talk unless asked a question. I was also reminded to never say “hi” (“pri-vet” in Russian) to an official. I should instead say “hello” (zdrast-vuyt-ye).  Point well taken.

We were the only car in the parking lot as we pulled up to the orphanage. The orphanage was made up of 6 or 7 large, 4-story brick buildings and huge fenced in yard for the kids to play in. Although it was old by our standards (“1965” was etched into the stone near the roofline) it was very clean and well maintained. We were shown into the director’s office along with the Inspector who had arrived with us. The director was the warmest young woman we had met yet!  She was all smiles and politeness and even offered Gavin a special candy from her desk. She stated that Gavin was very big. She said “S” was very small for his age. She then asked us (with Dymtro translating) how we liked Ukraine, what we did for a living and how we would juggle our jobs along with another child. You could tell she really cared about the kids in her charge. I had made a booklet of pictures from our home, of our pets, yard, cousins, etc. and had it translated by our newfound friends R & L (THANKS SO MUCH IF YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS!!!). They translated my picture captions into Russian then transliterated it (phonetic pronunciation) so I would be able to read it to our new son, as well as leave the booklet with the orphanage personnel so they could read it to him between our two trips. This booklet became an invaluable resource with the Inspector and the Orphanage Director as it depicted our lives, to a fuller extent, than did our dossier. It also showed how we intend to gently communicate with this boy right away and the support we have back home. It also explained how one of Gavin's cousins was adopted from Khazakstan and how Gavin's uncle was also adopted.  We received a lot of (positive) questions about this. The Director and Inspector were both curious about the book and laughed at many of the pictures.  The Director then left the room and we waited with Dymtro and the Inspector. After a few seconds, much to our surprise, the Director came walking in with a small boy at her side, dutifully holding her hand.  He looked about 5 ½ years old, maybe weighing 45 lbs. He was actually 7 and ½.  His sweater and slacks looked oversized on his slight frame. We said hi and he responded softly, not making eye contact. The Director explained he had a slight cold.  We were all surprised she would bring him into her office since we thought we would be escorted to some type of play room to meet him. We stumbled through some greetings in Russian, and he seemed to understand and responded shyly. The Director said he goes to school on the premises, is learning to write in Ukrainian but speaks Russian.  Gavin offered him some American candy we had brought (Skittles) after receiving approval from the Director. He loved that! Then we showed him some of the toys we brought and began playing catch with an inflatable plastic ball with squishy spikes all over it. He was really coordinated and seemed to love playing catch!  Suddenly, he placed his hand up to his nose and walked straight to the door and stood there without a word, his back to us. I asked what was wrong and the Director said his nose is running and he needed a Kleenex. At that point I realized he did not go to any of us in the room, not the Director, the Inspector, Dymtro nor us for help. He just went and stood by the door. I had read about this type of behavior since commonly there are not enough caretakers in orphanages, so kids are not used to getting their needs met.  They don’t even know to ask. It breaks my heart. In about 2 seconds he was met with a flurry of Kleenexes from my bag and the Director’s desk, and came back down to sit with us. Next the Medical Director came in. She was a matronly grey-haired woman, wearing a white nurse’s pinafore straight out of WWII. She went over all his vaccines and health status. He had been in the orphanage about 2 years.  She answered all our questions. Everything was good news!

After this, we were taken into a play room where there were toys, chairs, tables and sofas. We got out some of the games I brought and “S” aced the memory game, like it was old school for him. I had purchased some great flash cards at Lakeshore Learning store with the picture of the item (animals, food, parts of the body, toys, etc.) on the front and both the Russian (plus transliteration) and English spellings on the back. As he would find things that matched in the memory game, I would say the word in Russian with great delight! A few times I guess I mispronounced because he corrected me!! This kid is smart!  Gavin did a great job acting as a support for him and being a wonderful big brother already. Right before we left, Gavin gave him one of the Kinder Eggs we had bought in Paris. He certainly knew what this was since he tore it open and gobbled it up (I’m so happy he’s a choc-o-holic just like me ;-)). The prize inside was a “Mishka” (teddy bear) that he really liked. The Director announced our time was up. We all walked to the door of the orphanage and said our goodbyes. I hugged the little guy and Gavin and Scott shook his hand. None of us wanted to leave.

On the ride home, Dymtro said everything went fine. The next objective was to bond with him over the next 10 days. We’d be allowed a 2 hour visit each day. The orphanage needs to see that he is bonding to us and he has to want to go with us. I wouldn’t want it any other way. After all this kid’s been through, it needs to be his absolute choice. Dymtro said “S” was told who we were and why we were there. I can’t imagine what a stressful experience it must have been for him; whether he wanted to be adopted or not.

We drove back to Donetsk, all anticipating our visit tomorrow!

PET A DOG, GET SOME TRIPE

Thursday, 25 November, 2010

This morning we woke up, had breakfast and planned on leaving early to explore the city of Kyiv. We wanted to hit the Lovre (an ancient monastery), St. Sophia Chapel and the Chornobyl Museum.  We received a call from our agency contact in Kyiv, saying he wanted to meet at 11:00 so we couldn’t get an early start. It’s OK, that’s what we’re here for. To kill some time in the morning, we went exploring an open air market near our apartment. It was much like a farmer’s market but with everything from boots to toilets to fruit (of course we brought some cheese with us in case we spotted the street dogs we had seen yesterday). You DO see some people with dogs as pets here. Pet dogs are mainly purebreds (lots of German Shepherds, a few King Charles Cavaliers and some Westies). The street dogs actually look amazingly healthy. I believe Darwinism is at play here and the sick ones simply don’t make it. These two dogs often wandered around near our building. I was able to feed the brown one by hand but the black/white one wouldn’t come near us (especially Gavin). He acted like he’s had rocks thrown at him in the past.

Walking through the open air market was very interesting! There were many meat stands – it was cold enough that you didn’t need refrigeration (note sparrows). I felt like I was back in anatomy lab, identifying livers, hearts, kidneys, intestines & tongues.

There were many old women in heavy coats with scarves surrounding their withered faces, selling a few vegetables, pickles or chickens with the feet still on.  I had heard that the younger generation in Ukraine has embraced the break from Russia and is benefitting from the new democracy than the older generation, who tend to suffer more due to cuts in social services they received under the communist regime.  I felt bad for these women.  As we approached the metro station, we came across a sight that warmed my heart!! Some vendors had placed flattened cardboard boxes in the shape of a square about 15’X15’ on the concrete. On top of the cardboard were open cardboard boxes that had dogs had curled up inside. They were sleeping peacefully in the middle of the bustling metro station! Cardboard is such a good insulator – they all looked very content! Nobody bothered them at all.

 I also noticed dogs curled up, sleeping next to store fronts, with leftovers placed near them by some dear soul.  As we wondered back through the market to meet our agency contact at our apartment, I noticed a woman pushing a cart who evidently worked somewhere in the marketplace. She called one of the street dogs to her and tore off a piece of cardboard from a nearby box and fashioned a comb out of it. The dog trotted right up to her, wagging its tail happily. She began scratching it with the cardboard and cooing to it. Of course I had to join in since no Ukrainian dog had ever let me pet it before! I approached and said “Kara-show sabaka!” (good dog). The woman looked at me smiling and said something in Russian and laughed. Once she knew I had no idea what she was talking about, she called over another woman from a nearby booth to translate. The only thing the other woman knew how to say in English was “What is your name?” So we exchanged names and I told her (with my broken Russian) that we were tourists (duh, anybody could see that), staying about 3 weeks with friends in the apartments (I pointed). She had a friendly smile and was very gregarious about trying to tell us something…..I couldn’t tell what. I think I got that she was a school teacher but lives on some type of farm with cows (dairy or beef?). She kept mooing and we were both laughing! I told her I’m a veterinarian and she was so impressed.  Using the “veterinarian card” doesn’t get you too far in the Ukraine but it sure did with this animal lover! She looked to be about 50, was wearing bright pink lipstick which was juxtaposed against her dirty rubber boots for slogging through mud…….. or something. What attracted me most to her was her quick smile and effervescent personality…….you don’t see this in many people in the Ukraine.  She then grabbed my arm and signaled for all of us to follow. She ran us through a maze of small stands into a large, covered meat market. Here you could by any part of the cow. Gavin was quite concerned..…he had never seen skinned pig and cow heads for sale before. She led me up to a stand owned by someone she obviously knew and asked for some tripe. It was quickly bagged up and presented to me as a gift. Scott tried desperately to give her some grivnas (Ukraine money) but she flatly refused. Then she lead us further back, behind the meat tent, through another  maze of boxes and narrow hallways, to an area where she stayed.  In this room she had a small bed, a tea pot and a small desk. Evidently she would come in from her farm a few days per month, live behind the meat tent then return home. She offered us tea (“chai” in Russian). We exchanged addresses and phone numbers at her insistence. I’m pretty sure she wants us to come visit her at the cattle ranch, which I’m up for!

 We returned to our meeting with our agency contact, Dmytro, a nice guy who speaks perfect English. He explained what we would be doing next and that he was now assigned to our case, since our particular case may prove to be difficult. After hearing this, my heart sunk but I tried to remain positive, knowing this trip would have a number of ups and downs. We all agreed to meet this afternoon to sign more papers then take the train to Donetsk, in the southeast portion of Ukraine.

We took the metro into town but only had time for the Chornobyl Museum. It was very interesting but sad. The main theme was NEVER to allow such a thing to happen again. You talk to any Ukrainian and they’ll tell you exactly where they were the minute it happened. One entire wall in the museum is dedicated to all the children who died of acute radiation poisoning (see their pictures on the back wall of this photo). It’s heartbreaking. They also do a god job of describing exactly how the reactor blew up and the heroism of the men that stayed behind to try and cool it – knowing they’d eventually die due to the HUGE amounts of radiation they were exposed to.

We were picked up by our driver and taken to the train station with Dmytro. I eagerly told him of our activities during the day and ask if he could please translate the address the lady from the meat market had written down. I handed him the piece of paper - he looked at it and handed it back to me. He then stated, we are too friendly and talk too much to locals (who me?!). We shouldn’t do it since some people seem friendly, but we do not know the language or culture, and they actually may be a bit “off”.  He explained how we don’t understand just how poor this country is and that is it VERY different from the U.S. We need to always lock our door at night and NEVER OPEN IT TO ANYONE.  PERIOD. We need to talk softer too. Basically, we need to keep a lower profile.

…but the dog lover-meat market lady who bought me tripe can’t be all that bad now, can she?! I absolutely love travelling and meeting people from around the world. But yes, this is different.  Alright, we will follow his orders and tone it down a bit.

We got to the train station early so decided to have pizza since it would make Gavin happy. We walked to a pizza parlor which was on the third story of a building next to the station and ordered our pizza. We were almost finished when we noticed two young men at a table near us had begun slapping each other in the face. At first I thought they were just kidding around but this quickly escalated to punches and beer, food and furniture began to fly. I pushed Gavin off his stool and told him to get out, since the fight was dangerously close to us. Dymtro ordered us out too so we grabbed our stuff and ran out the door as the security was coming up.  Well, I guess Gavin experienced his first bar brawl early in life.

We boarded the train and took off for our overnight ride shortly thereafter. We had traded up to first class (which I highly recommend to all of you coming after us), so had 2 plush twin beds to relax upon. Scott set up the DVD player for Gavin and we all fell asleep to the movie “Jumangi” and the smooth rock of the train.

6 AM is too early!!

OUR S.D.A. APPOINTMENT

WEDNESDAY, Nov. 24, 2010

Here is a picture taken out our kitchen window. Our building looks just like this, as do the hundreds of other apartment buildings outside Kyiv. To me this is a reminder of the years of Soviet occupation of the Ukraine. I often look down from this window and see teens smoking behind the small building below, maybe hiding from parents (?).  Cigarettes are cheap here, relatively speaking ($1.14 per pack) which makes them sadly affordable. There are non-smoking ordinances in buildings, restaurants, but you seem to never be able to escape the smoke. It’s everywhere.

Today is the big day…our appointment at the S.D.A. (State Dept. of Adoptions) is at 12 noon.  Our driver picked us up and drove us downtown. There was A LOT of traffic and we barely made it in time. Turns out Benjamin Netanyahu is here so the downtown area near the federal buildings was packed with police. Israeli and Ukrainian flags were hung from all the lamposts. Finally we arrived and Lana was waiting for us outside the back of a non-descript building. We entered an austere foyer with plain white and blue walls with various announcements in Russian tacked up, announcing new rules and regulations for adopting families.  There were 2 other couples ahead of us in line, waiting up a flight of stairs and a group of people in an adjoining room pouring over what looked like files. The other couples also had “handlers” with them. The couples ahead of us were each escorted up the stairs into another room while we waited in the stair well.

 I knew I liked Lana. Constantly looking at her watch she opened the door at the top of the stairs at 12:05 when we hadn’t been called yet, searching for someone to talk to. At 12:15 I asked her if we would, in fact, have an hour for our appointment since in Ukraine, lunch runs from 1-2 pm. She assured me “da” = yes.  She went boldly down the hall again, searching for someone to escort us in. Finally at 12.:20 we were called in. We were brought into a small room filled with files neatly placed in wooden cabinets, a desk and a few computers. We met the SDA worker  called Yenta who immediately began showing us files of children. Lana had warned us that they may show us files of kids with physical and mental disabilities, even though on our documents we state that we want to adopt a “healthy” child with “minor correctable difficulties”. This wording is recommended since ALL children who have been institutionalized will have some type of physical and learning delays. If you do not put this wording on your documents they will NOT consider you for adoption. Nonetheless, we were shown about 5 files with pictures of kids who were deaf or had other severe neurologic problems. It was so sad to put these aside, but we had to. I assume they show these files just in case a couple changes their mind and decides to adopt one of these kids. You would have to start all of your paperwork over again and it would take months. Lana then asked for healthy children. They brought out 2 files of 2 adorable boys. I had warned Scott & Gavin to not judge based on the picture attached to the file as these kids are sometimes not smiling or look sad/scared. Lana poured over the documents attached  to each child and I had her show me the medical reports. Even though  I’m not too good at reading Russian, I could see in each category ”healthy”  was written in Cyrillic by the doctor. Lana then gave us some background. Both boys had not been in the orphanage their whole lives but the court had terminated their mother’s rights and they had been placed there.  Lana then got on her cell phone to our agency contact in Kyiv and began bantering so fast in Russian I could not understand one word. I assume he was checking some other type of database to look further into the background of these 2 boys. I tapped Lana on the arm and asked, “What do you think?” since at this point, we are at her mercy and must trust our handlers. She replied “Da (yes), I think these are both good propositions”.  Gavin, Scott and I looked closer at each picture. One of the kids looked just like Gavin’s friend, Gage, from school. Super cute! He was a big kid, one that looked like he could hold his own in a wrestling match with Gavin.  The other boy had blonde hair and looked a bit sad in the tattered 2 X 2 picture that was attached to his file. We couldn’t see his body since his picture was only a head shot. Then Lana began having a somewhat heated discussion with Yenta.  I did not know what was going on.  Yenta brought another woman into the room, I assume was her boss.  This woman had a copy of our home study, stating exactly what type of child we were looking for.  She pointed to a sentence in Russian and English that said we wanted a boy from 6-7 years old. It turns out these boys were 7 and a few months so we could not adopt them since our paperwork was interpreted as “up to exactly 7 years old” and not a day over. What?!?!?!  Scott and I were dumbfounded. We assumed 6-7 meant if they were from 6 to  7 1/4, 7 ½, 7 3/4 years, etc. Voices were raised between the boss and Lana as Lana got on the phone again to our local agency contact in Kyiv. The boss went over to a computer and started madly typing something.  I tapped Lana’s arm and asked what is going on. She was talking to the boss at the same time she was on the phone and she looked at me sternly as if to say,” just be quiet and let me handle this.” I felt like a school child being reprimanded by my teacher…..…but I shut up. Pretty soon Lana took the two files away from us. “We cannot take these children,”  she said.  My heart sunk but I had purposefully not allowed myself to become attached to pictures or stories at this juncture.  Lana was still on the phone with our local contact when she asked Yenta  to pull up a file of a particular boy our local agency contact had found for us and had done some pre-screening on. A minute later  Yenta returned with a file of a boy who I will call “S”. He was healthy, smiling,  had big ears and skinny legs (just like Scott), looked fairly tall for his age and had a red mark on the side of his face and his knee was scuffed, like he had just been playing too rough outside (hopefully). His mother’s parental rights had been terminated by the court when he was 5 and he had been in the orphanage ever since; this includes one year “off the register” meaning he was available for adoption only to Ukrainians or family members, then he was “on the register” for about 1 year, meaning he could be adopted by anyone. This is almost the best timing scenario we had hoped to find. He has a sister who was also taken by the courts – she is 16 and is in a trade school program at an orphanage for older kids. Lana said this should not be a problem since they are so far away in age – sometimes when there are siblings, they ask you adopt both together. We are not even sure he knows he has a sister, but we will receive much more information at the orphanage. This boy was 7 and ½ years old…..would this also be a problem? Lana said “nyet” (no) and urged me quietly but firmly to take this referral (sometimes you just gotta go with faith and stop asking questions). He had not been seen by any other adoptive parents  (which was good, as opposed to have been seen by many and turned down) and I made sure they checked that the file was currently updated to ensure nobody else was on their way to see this child. Everything checked out so we took the referral. We would receive much more detailed information, medical records, etc. at the orphanage. The time was 1 pm exactly.

The plan is to travel tomorrow by overnight train to a region called Donetsk, which is in the Southeastern part of Ukraine near the Russian border and the Sea of Azov. The boy’s orphanage is in a very small town, 45 mins.  outside Donetsk. We will stay in an apartment with Lana in Donetsk and be driven in daily to see the boy for a few hours a day (all they allow). Lana said we will have to play with him alone, in a room, since they don’t want the other kids to see because it may “hurt their hearts” to know one child is getting adopted. We are able to see the entire orphanage, where he sleeps, eats, etc., but cannot play with him out in the open.   

We left the S.D.A. and asked Lana take us to an authentic Ukrainian restaurant to celebrate! We ended up going to a Moldovian restaurant which served Ukrainian food also. I had borscht (which Lana promises to give me her secret recipe for) and stuffed cabbage rolls.  Scott & Gavin had meat soup and Perogies. Gavin was starved and ate his Perogies so fast I barely saw them! Another reason Gavin likes traveling internationally is that it’s one of the few times we let him drink Coke since we can’t drink the water.  I forgot how hyper Gavin can get on Coke! He was very funny and made us all laugh during lunch!

Tomorrow we need to be ready by 3:30 PM for our trip to the train station. We have the rest of the day free, as our agency personnel are running around filing papers for us, etc. (I feel  so spoiled!). We will go sightseeing around Kyiv and try to learn as much about this child’s heritage and culture as we can.  We plan to hit a historic cathedral and cave monastery built over 1,000 years ago and the Chornobyl museum.

We can’t wait to get on the train!

OUR FIRST DAY IN KYIV

MONDAY, NOV. 22
Today we flew from Paris to Kyiv (I will use the Ukrainian spelling, "Kyiv" as opposed to the Russian spelling, "Kiev", which is now preferred since Ukraine became independant from Russia in 1991).

Leaving Charles de Gaulle

We arrived in Kyiv and were greeted by our translator, Lana, and our driver (I still can't understand his name and need to have him write it for me). Lana is very sweet and loves to talk! She immediately handed us a cell phone to use in country and swept us off to the grocery store to buy food for our apartment and money to put on our phone. The drive into town was interesting. We came across a humongous (I mean massive, Statue-of-Liberty-size) statue of a woman with her arms outstretched, on a hillside along the highway. Lana said this is "Mama Ukraine", a monument to mothers all boys who were lost in previous wars. I saw this as another tribute to how much Ukrainian moms love their families. Kyiv is cut in half by the Dnipro River, much like the River Seine cuts through Paris. The part of the drive along the river was nice. Once we crossed the bridge we entered the suburbs or  "bedroom community" as described by Lana, made up of block after block of 10 story, dreary-looking apartments. It was rainy so I'm sure the rain contributed to this depressed appearance.

The Ukrainian gorcery we visited was very well stocked! Lana explained we would be staying in a family's apartment in Kyiv at least 2 nights so we needed to buy food and water. She kindly directed us to food she thought we would like, that other Americans had bought...broccoli, chicken, etc. It was cute! I told her we'd rather sample some Ukrainian food so she began showing us her favorites of certain things...chocolates (I KNEW I liked Lana!), salami, bread, Ukrainian mayo, Kiefer (sour milk) and 3 types of Ukrainian beers. We left the store with 2 HUGE bags of groceries for only $40......those of you who know Scott, know this  made him VERY happy! Just to give you some idea of approx. prices in American dollars.......bread = 0.35,  Snickers bar = 0.51, Litre of Vodka= $6.31, 0.5 L bottle of local beer = 0.57.

We are staying in the apartment of in-laws of one of the employees of our agency. It is cheery,clean, warm, homey and comfortable! We are so grateful to them to allow us to stay here, as we definitely prefer this to any hotel with a bunch of boring expats.



The kitchen.



Gavin watching one of his Goosebumps videos.



Me blogging in the kitchen.




Note salami in Scott's hand.

 Lunch was our first meal in the apartment. We bought salami with lots of fat in it (for Scott) as opposed to the type we get back home since there were tons of different types to choose from. It turned out the fat pieces stay intact and float around in your mouth until you get up enough guts to swallow them whole. Ick. The cheese, dark/dense Ukrainian bread with thick Ukrainian butter and Ukrainian mayo (I thought mayo was an American invention?) were all great and we wolfed them down. After lunch, Scott and Gavin went out for a walk today and got lost since all the 10 story apartment buildings look the same!    They were also soaked since it is STILL raining.

Chornobyl carrot?

The owner of our apt. showed up tonight and did a "turn down" service, setting up the bed in the living room so Gavin would have his own place to sleep and showing us how things worked. He loved Gavin and kept mussing up his red hair! Conversing with him was difficult but I know he understood our "thank yous". 

TUESDAY, NOV.23
Lana called us tonight. We will be picked up tomorrow at 11:15 AM for our appointment at the SDA (State Dept. of Adoptions) at noon. This could likely be one of the most important times of our lives! We are excited but a little scared at the same time. We pray that things go well and we are able to choose a boy to go visit. We would leave on Thursday evening to travel to the region he is in. Wish us luck!